After what happened in the kitchen, I get a sick feeling whenever he wants to make love. I've tried to talk to him about it and he doesn't realize what he said to me, he doesn't remember. Usually he is so loving and kind, even when he talks dirty. He praises me and makes me feel beautiful but now its too rough, he leaves marks all over my body and calls me awful names. Just last night, he fucked me against the wall after he ripped the fabric of my panties off my body and pounded into me until I was in tears. That's exactly what it is, fucking. What we do isn't making love anymore.
Lindsey is in his studio again today but this time he's on the telephone. I am tempted to pick up to see who it is he's talking to but I know it's wrong. I put on a thin strapped tank top and leggings to do some gentle stretches then head to my Pilates class. Lori said she would come over and watch Aria for me and I'm so thankful. As I'm about to leave, Lindsey comes into the living room, pushes me against the door and kisses me, groping my hips, bum and thighs. "I love you, baby" he tells me.
"I love you too" I say "I'll see you in a couple hours" Lori gives me a surprised expression, seeing his behavior for the first time.
"We should talk later" Lori tells me. I nod and leave before Lindsey comes back for seconds.
-----
The planning for Aria's birthday is coming along. It's a princess theme and everything will be purple and pink. I cannot wait for her to see everything. We are going to hold it at our LA house, since most of our friends are there and that house has a lot of space for the bouncy castles and other carnival type games. I know she's two but I think she will have a lot of fun. There will be a lot of kids there and there is something for everyone, even adults. As the day draws near, I am even more excited.
Her princess costume and her birthday outfit finally arrives in the mail from the designer along with some junk mail and I practically sprint back inside to look at it. I open the junk mail for Aria to play with then sit down at the table to check over the bank statement. There are a million things on my mind right now. Karen is down in LA making sure we haven't overlooked anything for the party, Lori is over with Samantha while Jessie is at one of her last days of school before summer break and Lindsey is out with Chris and some friends this afternoon doing god knows what.
"Stevie, want a glass of wine?" Lori asks, coming in the room with the bottle. I don't answer, I notice something weird. "Steves?"
"Yeah?" I hear my name when I'm finally coming to.
"Did you hear me?"
"No, I'm sorry I was just looking over this. What did you say sweetie?"
"Glass of wine?"
"No, thanks"
"What's going on?" She asks, sitting down next to me.
"There is a very large amount of money going out of this account when nothing should be moving" I say pointing to the decrease. "See?" I'm very open with her so I don't mind showing her.
"Jesus...what account is this?"
"It's Lindsey's" I say. "I know I should have stopped when I saw it was his but what do you think this could be?"
"Well, is it on any other statements or a one time thing?"
"I don't know. I honestly never look."
"You keep your statements, don't you?"
"Yeah, then I give a copy to someone else to handle" I say and she laughs.
"Such a rockstar, Stevie" she teases.
I go and get the floral hat box I keep my important papers in. It's in a safe tucked away somewhere in the house and only Lindsey and I know where it is. I tear open a couple of the envelopes for this account and notice both of them have the same amount coming out. I lay them out on the bed to look at more. All of them, on the same date, same amount.
"What is this?" I ask aloud, knowing no one is in the room. I put them all back, freaking out a little bit, and shove it back in the safe. I come back to the living room and Lori is waiting for me.
"Well?" She asks.
"It's on every single one. I looked at all of them"
"You need to confront him"
"He's going to be mad I opened his mail"
"You're his wife. It's your right."
"Yeah, I know"
"He's acting really weird too" she says, remembering all I had told her before.
"He's not always like that though."
"It's still not like him. Something is up. You know, I really never liked him" she says.
"Don't, Lori." I don't want to hear her talking bout my husband.
"I'm sorry"
"There could be a perfectly normal explanation for this" I say, trying to calm my anxieties.
"How are you feeling about it? What does your gut say?"
I look at Aria playing with Sam and tears spring to my eyes. "I feel like something's wrong" She pulls me into her arms and holds me tightly as I cry.
"Talk to him"
"I'm scared. Maybe I don't want to know."
"You need to. This is your life too and he has no right to hide something like this from you." She wipes my tears and pours me a glass of wine. "I know you said you didn't want one, but you're going to need this."
I nod, downing the glass, tears still falling down my cheeks.
A/N: Sorry for the short update. There is more to come.
