Begin Again

The Unraveling ( part 2 )

23rd

"Resign, Feny. I can't promise I won't poison that old boss of yours! You're too young to be obsessed with him!"

Martha was furious as she drove me back from the hospital. I was dizzy—a common symptom of pregnancy, the doctor said—but Philip hadn't been there. He'd chosen to take care of Arva instead.

"Don't you dare tell him about the baby!" Martha warned. "If I have to support you myself, I will. He doesn't deserve to know. Let him crawl back to you when he realizes what he's lost."

But Philip didn't crawl. I did. That afternoon, I went to his condo, using the spare key he'd given me when he told me it was "our home." It was empty, so I went to the bedroom and fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.

I woke up to arguing in the living room.

"I'm so sorry, Kuya. I didn't know it would get this messy. I shouldn't have suggested you court your secretary. You got in trouble with Papu because of me."

"It doesn't matter. She's not important."

I kicked the door open. Philip and a woman I'd never met—his sister, Pheobe—froze.

"What am I to you then?" I asked, my voice steady despite the way my heart was shattering.

"Pheobe, go home," Philip commanded. She glanced at me, eyes full of pity, and left.

"What are you doing here?" Philip turned on me, his eyes colder than the winter air.

"I wanted to tell you something, but you weren't home."

"Forget it," he snapped, walking toward the kitchen for a beer. "Just put the key on the table when you leave. I'll have a check ready for you tomorrow. Take your things."

I clung to his arm, desperate. "Why are you doing this? I don't want your money, Philip! I just want you. Don't you love me anymore?"

He pulled away, but when I finally collapsed onto the cold floor, sobbing, he lifted me up. His touch was warm, and for a second, I felt that flicker of hope again. I clung to it.

25th

Christmas. We spent it at his parents' house, and for a beautiful, fleeting moment, we were a family. I didn't tell him about the baby yet; Martha insisted I wait until he proved he deserved to know. I let go of the pain. I chose to forgive.

29th

I walked into his office without knocking, only to find Arva wrapped in his arms. My first instinct was to attack, but the baby—I had to protect the baby.

Philip held up a piece of paper, his face twisted in rage. "You're free to go. I don't want to see your face here, Miss Magdua."

It was a resignation letter. My resignation letter.

"I didn't write this, Philip! I would never—"

"Arva found it on your computer," he spat.

"Arva? Why was she on my computer?" I turned to her, but she hid behind him. "Philip, listen to me—"

"Enough! Stop comparing yourself to her!"

"Why shouldn't I? Because I'm not her? Because I'll never be good enough?" I stepped toward him, my voice breaking. "You did more damage to me than anyone ever could. Did I complain? Did I ask for explanations? I waited. I was just a servant to you. You never loved me... ever."

Arva shooed me away like trash. "Leave this room!"

"You leave!" I screamed at her, then turned back to Philip. "If you believe her over me, then you never knew me at all."

He turned his back, dismissing me. "Just leave, Fen. I don't need you anymore."

"I was never here for the money!" I shouted. "I'm your wife! Does Arva even know? Do your parents?"

I realized then that I wasn't just fighting for us; I was fighting a ghost. I'd spent two years chasing a man who was already running away.

"Aren't you tired of this?" I asked, my voice suddenly quiet.

"If we're talking about being tired, I am beyond exhausted," I admitted. "I should have done this a long time ago. We shouldn't have reached this point."

"Did you ever love me, Philip?"

He closed his eyes and nodded.

I walked to him, touching his face one last time—the stubble, the mole, the eyes that once held my soul. I kissed him. It was a goodbye, but he deepened it, his hands pulling me against him. For a second, I was home. But I couldn't afford to be shattered again.

I pulled away, breathless and shaking. I ran for the elevator. He caught my arm as the doors opened.

"Feny."

Hearing my name from him was more powerful than anything, but the elevator doors were closing. I wrenched my arm free and slipped inside. As the doors slid shut, I slumped against the cold metal wall and finally let the dam break.

Goodbye, Philip.