Begin Again

June 21st ( part 3 )

Isang kilalang Italian restaurant kami pumunta. Katulad sa—never mind. Keeping my head above water ang peg ko nito habang kasama ko si mister Martè. Paano ba naman, pakiramdam ko ay malulunod ako sa mga kinikilos niya, eh!

Nang maka-settle na kami sa isang table—jusko Lord, I swear parang flashback ang moment namin ngayon. Ganitong-ganito iyong nangyari noon—don't you dare ruin this thing, Feny!

Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to remove my cardigan. Feeling ko biglang ang init-init ng suot ko. Naka-aircon naman kami, 'di ba? Breath in, breath out, Feny.

Trying to make myself at ease, I decided to at least make myself familiarize the place. It's a nice and cozy place, actually. The chairs here inside are classic wooden style. The chairs outside are metal and the tables are rounded, made of glass. Most of the tables inside are made of marble and rounded in shape; some are rectangular—covered with nice cloth—especially the tables that are placed near the window. Like ours. The paints are obviously inspired by Italian culture. Aah, the aroma effects of coffee filling the whole room is ecstatic; it brings energy to those people who dine here. And the soothing sounds playing right now complete the whole Italian theme.

I suddenly wished to go there someday. Paris, Italy, France...

I rested my back and put both my hands on the table while closing my eyes, tinitikman ang simoy ng paligid.

Maybe he felt that I'm not comfortable or at least trying to be comfortable, because he suddenly reached for my hands and placed his on top of mine. Napadilat ako bigla sa mainit na mga kamay na nakapatong sa aking mga kamay.

"Hey... you okay?"

I nodded and gave him a smile to reassure him. Ang akala ko ay bibitaw na siya pagkatapos niyon, kaya I stared at our hands. It's still there. Hihilain ko na sana ang mga kamay ko pababa sa aking kandungan pero he insisted it stay there. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang magtaka.

I looked at him and expected to see blank and cold eyes. But instead, I saw how he was relaxed and... at peace. He's staring at me, trying to convince me that I'm safe with him. That it's okay. That everything's normal.

But no. Of course, hindi ito normal. He's my boss at secretary niya ako. Yes, he's my crush, pero hindi naman ako tanga na tipong 'strike while the iron is hot'—hindi ako ganoon! Ang ayoko ay iyong pagtitinginan ako ng mga katrabaho ko na may bahid ng kung anong tsismis.

Umiling ako at mabagal na hinila pababa ang mga nakakulong kong mga kamay mula sa kanya.

I tried to act cool when, deep inside, gusto ko nang magwala sa sobrang pagkabigla. When, deep inside, there's a small hope na unti-unting namumuo sa kaloob-looban ko. It's like a low-pressure area na unti-unting nagiging isang malaking bagyo na maaring makasira sa bawat hagupit at lakas nito. At ayokong mangyari sa akin iyon. I may be crushing on him, but I will not take the risk to be with him, lalo na't hindi maganda ang naging paghihiwalay nila ng kanyang ex. And besides, four months pa lang ako sa kompanya—I wanted friends, not enemies.

The waiter came and placed the menu on our table. Isang pasada lang ay mas pinili ko nang umorder kaagad para hindi makaalis ang waiter. Dahil carbonara lang ang naiintindihan ko rito, iyon na rin ang iniorder ko with iced tea. Sagot naman ata ni Sir. Or okay lang din na KKB kami. He gave also his order and dismissed the waiter.

And so, the time of us being alone again came. I smiled at every person I saw inside and kept my eyes everywhere, anywhere but him. Trying to act so amused with the interior.

"I'm sorry—"

At first, it wasn't clear to me kung kanino nanggaling ang mga salitang iyon. But when he finally caught my eyes, I couldn't help but feel trapped. I gave him my sincere smile and was still battling if I'll say something or just continue to smile. But then, with the looks of him, he's ready and waiting for me to say something.

"Wala po iyon, Mister Martè..." Maarte lang po talaga kayo, that's what I really wanted to add, pero baka magdilim ang paligid dito sa loob ng restaurant kaya 'wag na lang.

Dumating ang waiter na may dala-dalang tubig kaya napainom agad ako niyon para mahimasmasan.

"So, how's your father?"

I was caught off guard with his question, but I still managed to smile. At dahil tinanong niya ako... sasagutin ko rin siya nang buong-buo!

"Ay naku, Sir! 'Di ba nagpaalam po ako sa inyo na aalis para magsimba? Naku, nakipagpatayan pa ako sa mga tao makasakay lang ng bus..." And it went on and on.

Alam niyo naman kapag nagkwento ako, with matching action and sound effects pa iyan. Kahit gaano pa kahaba ang kwento ko, mailabas ko lang lahat. But the fact na he was there, trying to catch up sa mga salitang ginagamit ko, he was still eager to know all the details. Just like what happened to us in Cebu. I smiled on that thought.

Sometimes, he would make a face kapag hindi niya masyadong ma-gets ang millennial o Pinoy slang ko. Sometimes, he snorted of how he chose not to believe how things happened or the causes of the situation. And the best part was how he suppressed a smile or laugh whenever he found the situation funny and amusing. Yep, that's how he is, alright.

Well, on my side, I never contained or tried to contain the way I laughed. Minsan nga ata nadadala siya sa tawa ko. Iyong tawa ko ba naman na parang walang bukas, with matching hampas pa sa mesa at palakpak. Sometimes, I even held my throat and threw upward my head just to justify how laughable a certain situation was. Bahala na ang mabibingi sa paligid!

I even enjoyed my food. Ang sarap ng... basta may carbonara na word, ang sarap ng luto nila dito! I will definitely come back here for sure!

Sobrang enjoy ang usapan—or more like iyong kwento ko—kasi ni hindi siya masyadong nagsasalita, puro facial expressions lang ang ginagawa niya. Buti na lang talaga magaling akong magbasa ng mukha. Nice!

But you know, seeing him smiling—at least—it's like he's finally accepting me to be his secretary. Dati kasi parang hindi niya matanggap ang presensya ko, eh. It's a good sign, though.

It was already past 2:00 PM when we finished our food sa sobrang haba ng kwento ko. But instead of going back to the office, we even stayed there for a few hours or so. With a cup of coffee, we shared our post-birthday celebration together until night.