Begin Again

November 12th 2017

"Let's dance ,Feny!"excited na pag iimbita sa'kin ni Martha. She practically dragging me to the dance floor until we found the others.

I surveyed the people here in the dance floor dancing like there's no tomorrow . Like it's the only way of their escape from the stressful reality. Like they're drowned on their own world. Maybe I should do the same .

I looked up and closed my eyes as I began to move...the music is booming too loud .

"You look amazing.." He said while we're in the middle of the crowd dancing on a very romantic way .

I gulped as he gave me an intimidating look. I inhaled his perfume wanting to rest my head on his chest with closing eyes and not minding everyone here . I badly wanted to do everything that with him. I wanted to be careless and equate the amount of love like he do for me. Do all of that like a normal couple .

He pulled me closer to his chest and let my head rest there. Aah. This is it. I closed my eyes and let everything down. Just for this moment. He squeezed my hips like he's not contented of  our closeness now.

He held me in his arms like a pillow trying to find his comfortable place. I heard him sigh as I tighten my grip on the back of his neck. He then placed his chin above my head after kissing my hair.

I met you in the dark
You lit me up...

Another song played and it caught my attention. I listened to the first line lyric . Thinking that the song was somehow described of what he told me before . I remembered when he told me I was he's moon . Baka kilala siya ng writer ng kanta?

We danced the night away....

A small laugh came out from me . He then let go my hand from his and placed it under my chin to make me face him.

A small grin was on his face as he lift my chin up.

"What's so funny? "

"The song ...it suits you .." then I laughed.

"Really? " I nodded and smiled to him.

I felt my tears rolled down on my left cheek. Unbelievable . I should be dancing the night away not mourning for my lost love!

Since my mood was ruined—like it was never ruined already ever since the day—I decided to look for the others but I saw some of them are busy with their own thing. So I'll do my own thing. I went back alone on our table.

We're supposed to enjoy my newly temporary position sa bagong company na pina pasukan ko ngayon . But here I am crying and reminiscing the past . He will never come back to you Fen! I wiped the tears away and drank another tequila which's not mine, bahala na kung kanino iyon! I just wanted to be numb.

Where is he when I needed him the most? I thought I played well his game. I thought all the impossible things and tried to throw it away as I believed in him. And now he's probably waking up with his REAL one woman of his life , every fucking morning. They're probably laughing their asses right now. A thought of that made my blood boiled .

He even made me stayed and believe that I'm his pathetic ideal woman. Making me feel I was enough for him...well for me he was really enough for me but I guess for him I'm not.

I knew it. Ever since he saw that damn ring ! He maybe realized it was long over due and our time was over . He's so full of shit! Well I should congrats him too for playing well his own part on his sick game. He started it so well and ended us so smooth. Just wow .

"I thought we're over with this,Feny?" I saw Martha's worried face on my blurred vision.

I forced a smile but my tears won't just stop . I felt her beside me and hugged me as I cried on her arms. I hate him. I hate him for making me hate him and making me love him at the same time.

Me too. I thought I'm over with this. I thought I'm done with the crying , akala ko nga wala na 'kong maiiyak pa. Mukhang nakapag recharge na ang katawan ko at ready to cry na naman . And probably my make-up are smudged already .

"Oh my God, Fen.."hindi pa nakuntento sa pagsigaw niya sa tenga ko at inalog-alog pa ko.

"He's here —" what?! Pucha! Sino? Ang sakit ng ulo ko...

"What's wrong with your friend Miss Mendez ? Is she alright?" It's him? He's here then. I can sense Martha in her panicking mode. She was —no were both — scared ! No! I shouldn't be afraid of him! I'm only afraid to see my wreck face at this moment.

I pretended to sleep and snooze a little na sana ma-gets ni Martha ang ibig kong sabihin.

"No Mister Martè ! We're both fine! See? " sabay angat niya sa'king braso, "she's  just preten— I mean she's just sleeping ! Right! Fe—Felita was just sleeping..." Gusto kong mapa face palm sa epic fail na sagot ni Martha. Felita? Really?

Dahil sa sobra ko ng naa'absorb ang effect ng tequila sa katawan ko kamuntikan na kong makatulog sa balikat niya kung di niya lang ako inalog uli.

"The coast is clear Feny! Tara na at baka mahimatay ako sa kaba! Mamamatay ako sa kaba nito e! " nag tawag pa ng waiter si Martha papunta sa parking lot para alalayan ako.

"Kayo talagang dalawa ang titigas ng mga ulo niyo! Bakit ba naman kasi nagtitikisan kung pwede naman nang mag bati?! " huh? Ano raw? May nabali?

My world won't stop spinning . And I think I'm gonna throw up any time . Nang sa wakas ay naramdaman ko na sa balat ko ang natural at malamig na hangin ng labas ay kumusa akong tumayo ng maayos. The waiter let us walked by ourselves while Martha is still gripping my arm.

"M.." I called her for her attention , to say that I feel like lying down here instead ... My feet are wobbling and I feel like floating  that I can't feel the ground anymore . But before I fell on the ground the beam lights of some—motherfucker—one's car suddenly lit up the place. Ugh too much light!

I looked over my shoulder and used my hand to put something  to cover my eyes from the light. Martha pulled me over and we continued walking .

Once we reach her car I swear I am going to sleep and nobody or anything can stop me!

Martha started the car and her radio played an offensive song..

I knew I needed you
But I never showed
But I wanna stay with you...

"Offff...." I said while pointing to the radio...I think?

"Stop pressing my ear drunk-ass!" Ooopss..

Just say you won't let go....

What a night...