Begin Again

November 12th 2017

"Let's dance, Feny!" excited na aya ni Martha. She practically dragged me to the dance floor.

I looked around. Everyone was dancing like there was no tomorrow, escaping their stressful reality. Maybe I should do the same. I closed my eyes and let the music take over.

"You look amazing," he whispered. We were in the middle of the crowd, dancing in such a romantic way. I gulped, feeling intimidated yet pulled toward him. I wanted to rest my head on his chest, to be careless, to be a normal couple—just for a moment. He pulled me closer, his hands squeezing my hips as if he couldn't get enough of our closeness. I tightened my grip on his neck, and he rested his chin on my head after kissing my hair.

I met you in the dark... You lit me up...

The song changed, and I laughed. "The song... it suits you."

He grinned, lifting my chin to look at him. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I smiled.

Later that night...

I felt tears rolling down my cheek. Unbelievable. I should be dancing, not mourning a lost love. My mood was ruined. I went back to our table alone. We were supposed to be celebrating my new job, but here I am, crying and reminiscing.

He will never come back, Fen! I wiped my tears and drank tequila that wasn't even mine. I just wanted to be numb. Where is he when I need him most? I thought I played his game well. I believed him when he said I was enough, but I guess I wasn't. It must have been that ring he saw—the realization that his time with me was over. He played his part so well, ending it so smoothly.

"I thought we were over this, Feny?" Martha's voice sounded worried.

I forced a smile, but the tears wouldn't stop. I cried in her arms, hating him for making me love and hate him at the same time. I thought I was done crying, but my body felt ready to sob all over again. My makeup must be a disaster.

"Oh my God, Fen..." Martha shrieked, shaking me. "He's here!"

What? Pucha! Who? My head throbbed.

"What's wrong with your friend, Miss Mendez? Is she alright?"

It's him. I could sense Martha panicking. I pretended to be asleep, hoping she'd catch my drift.

"No, Mister Martè! We're both fine! See?" Martha said, grabbing my arm. "She's just... sleeping! Right, Felita?"

Felita? Really, Martha?

I almost fell asleep on her shoulder from the tequila until she shook me again. "The coast is clear, Feny! Let's go before I faint from nerves!"

As we walked to the parking lot, my world wouldn't stop spinning. I felt like I was floating, unable to feel the ground. Suddenly, blinding car headlights lit up the place. Ugh, too much light! I covered my eyes and kept walking until we reached Martha's car.

Martha started the engine, and the radio began to play an offensive song:

I knew I needed you

But I never showed

But I wanna stay with you...

"Offff..." I groaned, pointing at the radio.

"Stop pressing my ear, drunk-ass!" Martha snapped.

Just say you won't let go...

What a night.