Begin Again

February 14th 2018

"What is she doing here, Ace?" She said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Watch your mouth, Arva," Philip said. I could feel his body stiffen with anger.

"Well, care to explain this to me?" She stood there with her hands on her hips.

"Why do you care? It's just normal—"

"Ah, so she has you again? We both know—"

"We both know who the liar is here!" Philip stood up. "You're the reason why I did that to my wife! I trusted you, but you messed with our relationship! You jeopardized our marriage! Now our son is gone because of your craziness!"

"Ace... I—"

"I don't want to hurt you because I respect you and our families' friendship over the years... but don't test my patience, Arva, or I swear, if you do harm to my wife, I will fucking forget everything we had! Even you! Get out of here!"

I let out a deep sigh and leaned back. I felt exhausted just seeing that conniving woman.

"Fen..." I opened my eyes and let myself drown in his deep brown eyes. Everything felt normal again.

I remembered how, back then, I felt nothing but anger for the man who owned those amber eyes. The hatred inside me had covered all the love I once had for him. It felt like even his death couldn't ease the pain of losing our angel. And now, in just one snap of a finger, my life had turned upside down again. It gave me a reason to live once more. To breathe underwater. To feel again.

All those emotions came back to me the moment I stepped into that wedding day. I hated it at first, but who knew that everything which was gray before would turn colorful again?

I couldn't believe what this man could do to me. He was too much for me, but I wanted to accept it if being happy again was my ending. I'd risk it all. Forget the people against us. As long as we both shall live, I would survive in this crucial world. With him. With my love. Even if it was just for a short time.

I blinked as I felt his warm breath against my skin. I hadn't even noticed he had gotten that close.

"What's on your mind, baby?" I looked at him and saw the fear in his eyes. "Having second thoughts?"

I smiled seductively and pulled his necktie to bring him closer. "What do you think?" I gently brushed my lips against his.

"I love you..." I smiled widely. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't find the words to describe how overwhelmed I felt whenever he said that to me. Something grew inside me that I couldn't quite name whenever I felt his sincerity.

"Fen?" He probably sensed I was drifting off again. Well, what did he expect? He was just so...

My eyelids became heavy when I felt his soft lips.

"Come back to me... please."

"How do you do that?" I pushed him away slowly and stood up, but he pulled me back into his body, not giving me a chance to leave. He wrapped his arms around my waist, which gave me goosebumps all over. I felt him against me.

"Do what?" He asked, confused.

"What?" Darn it. Now I forgot what I was supposed to say.

"Are you thinking of Arva? She can't come between us again. Ever. Over her dead body."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'over YOUR dead body'?"

"The only body that will be dead is hers. I have more loving to do with you, so I can't die yet..." He buried his head in my neck again. I groaned and pushed him away a little.

"What?"

"You're so rude!" He seemed amused by his own behavior.

"That's normal, babe. And besides, it's your fault..." Again, he pressed our bodies together, leaving no space.

"What are you doing?! We still have work—" He immediately let me go and left me standing there. He signed the papers without even reading the details. He grabbed his phone and dialed someone's number.

"Yes, this is him. I would like to..." The rest of the conversation went on. I didn't even realize we were done talking. So, what was I doing there? What was I supposed to do? Tsk. He was so stubborn.

"C'mon, babe..."

"What?" He pulled my hand so we could walk out of his office together.

"Didn't you hear me, babe—" He stopped, sighed, and gently kissed my hand. "We'll eat at our favorite restaurant." I nodded and smiled.

Memories of that night came back to me as I stared at the place. I suddenly felt weak.

His big, calloused hand covered my own hand on my lap. His patient, assuring eyes stared at me as I tried to erase the pain in my chest. At some point, it made me feel secure.

I let out the breath I was holding. I closed my eyes tightly and concentrated on filling my head with only the happy moments we had there.

"Welcome back, ma'am, sir..." It was Annita, the manager. I was glad she was still there.

"Thanks, Annita. Our table?" She smiled and led us to our table.

"Same order." Annita was about to leave to take our orders when I stopped her.

"I think I would like to try this..." I pointed at a dish I had never tried before. Philip turned his full attention to me, frowning.

"Is there any problem, babe?"

"No... I just wanted to try something else. Something new. I hope you wouldn't mind..."

He shook his head, looking at me seriously. It was a quiet evening. We ate in silence, stealing glances at each other. It was an awkward dinner.

"Fen..." I stopped walking on the garden stone pathway when he called me. The garden lights were the only things illuminating our path, as we had decided to walk before heading home. I hadn't even noticed he wasn't walking beside me.

"Do we have a problem here? Because baby, I've noticed you've been awfully quiet since we were back in the office. Since Arva's incident..." He walked until he reached me. He gently caressed my cheek and jaw while his other hand held mine.

I tried to show that everything was fine, but maybe it wasn't enough to convince him.

"Fen, my love, I know everything between us is a lot to take in all at once. Believe me, even I still can't believe you're in front of me, that you aren't disappearing when I touch you, that you aren't slipping away through my fingers. I'm still on a high right now, baby, with your kisses... and right now... I just want to be high forever if that's the only way to have you in my arms."

"I'm scared too, my love. But thinking of you beside me, so real... in my arms... I feel alright again. You complete me, Fen. And if there's any way I can remove that doubt in your heart, I will willingly do everything in a heartbeat. You're my everything, Fen. So please don't ever, ever forget that."

My eyes pooled with tears. He placed his forehead against mine. I reached for his face and kissed him. I felt his tears.

"Philip... I'm sorry..." I'm sorry for having doubts. I'm sorry I doubted whatever we have right now.

"Don't, Fen... just let me love you... just let me do the work, and I promise you'll never regret this second chance for us."

I nodded and hugged him.

I love you, Philip... and I'm sorry.