Bad Guy Gone Good (BOYXBOY)

Ablaze

Chapter 11: Ablaze

Whatever happened, happened. There's no reason to dwell on it. It's not like I can take it back, not that I'd want to even if I could. But I just need answers, why did I feel so attracted to Alec? I've never shown any emotion towards boys before, even with the knowledge that I'm into them. How come I'm not disgusted by it, by myself? Even now that I've had a breather and chance to think it through. Why do I want him so bad, still? But more importantly, why did he storm out like that? Did he regret? Did he not like it, or was it me he didn't like? But that can't be it, he just seemed so into it, like he enjoyed it a lot.

What the fuck just happened? And what the fuck happens now?

After he left someone had suddenly, out of nowhere, slammed the door open to my room and I had in one swift motion sat up on my bed in hopes of it being Alec. But much to my disappointment, it wasn't Alec. It was Jax. He had a wide grin on his face mocking me, asking if there was trouble in fag-paradise. I simply gave him a look that said get out or I'll murder you which made him rush out.

But now, it's been hours since he left, and I haven't been able to think about anything else than that. I was lying on my back on my bed. I ran my hands through my completely messy hair, which Alec was the fault in, I let my hands rest there. It was way past midnight, and I wanted to see him, badly, but I knew it was too late, maybe he just needed a breather. Oh fuck that... I grabbed my phone and decided to try and call him. But wow, big surprise... he didn't pick up... note the sarcasm please, or else I'll look like an idiot. I rolled my eyes and had no other choice but to text him.

Hey Alec. Call me, please. We need to talk.

I didn't know what else to write, so I just wrote that. And I had second thoughts about going to his house, but that'd be too much and too soon. I hadn't even completely comprehended the situation myself. It wouldn't feel right just to put that much on him, yet. Yes, "yet", he will have to explain how he could just leave me hanging like that later.

***

'Finally' was the first word to come to mind this early morning. I had been waiting for it to become morning all night, but now that it actually was morning, I didn't feel too good, i just brushed the feeling away though, I needed to speak to Alec, that was more important than me getting a little sick. I couldn't think of anything else the entire night. I got ready and headed out. It is so important for me to talk to him today, cause it's Friday. And then I won't see him the entire weekend. This feeling in my gut, it was eating me from the inside. I just needed to speak to him, hear his voice. Why is he causing me so much pain? Why do I care so much. I've never felt like this before. No one has made me feel like this before. Then he came along.

As I arrived to school I separated from Eli and Jax, since I didn't have any classes with them now. I went to my locker, then his locker and then class. Unsuccessful in finding him. Alright fuck whatever I said before, I just needed to see him. I want to hear his deep sexy voice, but for now it would do just to see him. I was getting worried.

The bell rang and as the students started pouring in a sudden bad feeling made me decide to leave. Luckily my teacher had yet to arrive so I grabbed my back swiftly and rushed out. I didn't know what happened, I just didn't feel good. I felt sick, I wanted to throw up. I was walking the hallways almost in slow motion, I felt dizzy. I walked towards Julian's office, but my sight became blurry and I was sweating. My breath fastened and my heart was beating faster than ever. I had a bad feeling, I've experienced this before. I think I'm having a panic attack. It's happened before. But I can't get into that now. I didn't know what to do, the other times I had panic attacks, there was always someone around me, to help me. I had her. I began crying. Now that I thought about her, it just got worse. No one could see me like this, but there was nothing I could do, I felt numb. I was dragging myself closer to Julian's office by supporting myself against the lockers. But before I even got close to the office, I slumped down to my knees. My vision almost gone, but before it became completely dark, someone came out of the office.