I Promise You

(35) I Never Meant to Break Your Heart

Hey guys, Fray is back. I'm sorry that I have been gone for so long, but so much has happened. I just celebrated my 16th birthday and I wasn't kissed by one guy, not by two, no by three guys! First was the guy I am currently seeing, but I don't think we have a future. I just can't see myself with him, nor do we have any other connection than basketball. Number 2 was a guy that has been in love with me since a longer time, but I am not into him, or so I always thought. Well, we shared our first kiss on Christmas last year and had a little make out session at my birthday party. Number 3 is my ex-boyfriend from Europe. The one I can't be with anymore. I would only lie to him and I don't want him to give up his entire life for me, so I'm gonna call it quits for good. I though I had already done that, but he thought if he moves here, everything could be the way it was before. He was wrong. I was a different girl in Europe and I will never be that girl again.

I was running away from my problems and if I would have stayed, so much trouble could have been avoided, but I guess you are always smarter afterwards. So my advice for you, don't run away. Face them, there are only two ways they could work out and it doesn't have to be the bad way. Don't become someone else to escape the things you don't want to face. Stay yourself and don't ever change for anyone. Don't hide yourself for anyone. I did and it had consequences that I'm not ready to talk about yet, but I will as soon as I can. I promise you guys.

Until then XOXO Fray

"I need to talk to the guys. Let them down gently" I said, looking at Keeley. "I agree. They need to know that you can't be with someone right now!" She said. "I guess I'm gonna start with Jake. He needs to be able to let go and move on. Or I could start with Jesse, although he would never leave me alone. He would fight no matter what I tell him. Or with Alex, before we get in too deep" I said, looking at her, silently asking for help. "I'd say start with the easiest, which would be Alex. You aren't seeing him for that long, so it shouldn't be too hard. Then Jesse and Jake at last. You will be a pro by that" She said and I sighed "Do I want to be?" I asked.

"Well you got yourself in there. Start digging your way out" She said and I knew she was right.

So here I was, about an hour laterwaiting for Alex to show up. I hadn't told him why I wanted to meet with him, because I wanted to make sure he showed up. So minute by minute passed until the dirty blonde boy with the blue eyes walked closer to my position on the bench in the park. "Promise Copeland" He said as he sat down next to me. I felt guilty. I knew it was goingto be hard, but it was way harder than I had expected.

"Alex Smith" I said, not eventrying to fake a smile. "What's going on?" He asked confused."Alex, I'm pretty sure you had noticed that yourself, but we don't connect really well. I mean, we did have some good times, but I don'tthink we have any chemistry. We are the complete opposite of eachother and it's time we accept that. Our only similarity is basketball and you can't base a relationship on that" I said and looked at him. "Are you breaking up with me?" He asked and I nod "I have to. It's the only right thing to do. I just don't feel it" I said, got up and walked off. I started taking a few deep breaths to realize what I had just done. I ended things with boy number one. Only two more to go.

I was now on my way to Jesse's house,so I could tell him everything. Just like Alex he deserves to know that our make out session was a one time thing and that it didn't mean we are going out now. As I arrived I greeted Mrs. Ashcroft, that had let me inside and showed me the way to Jesse's room. I took one last deep breath, before walking inside. "Babe, what a surprise"He said and wanted to kiss me, but I pushed him back "No!" I saidand sat down on his bed. He sat down on the chair standing by his desk. "What an honor, but what brings you here?" He asked and I tried to stay strong. His accent made things a little harder than expected.

"Listen Jesse, the make out session we had on my birthday-" I started, but he interrupted me "Was awesome, I know" "Can't repeat itself!" I finished my sentence."I don't like you that way and I don't know if I will ever like you like that! You are obsessed with me and I think that has to stop! No, it has to stop! I agreed on us being friends, but when you keep obsessing over me and keep calling me nicknames like babe we are going to have a problem and I'll be out of your life for good! Do you get me!?" I said, getting more upset by every words I said.

"That was harsh Prom" He said, actually calling me by an appropriate nickname. "I know, but it had to be said. Now it's your choice if you want to keep me in your life as a friend or if you want me outcompletely!" I said, stood up and left the house without saying goodbye to anyone. As soon as I had reached my car and I had gotten in, I could actually feel a few tears escaping my eyes. Another proof that I actually liked Jesse, but I tried to push it away. I couldn't be with him! He is the worst person I could be with! He's like...he's like... MY FATHER! He might not have as many kids as him. I have more kids like him, but I couldn't date Jesse like ever.

My dad always told me that I deserve a guy better than him and that he thinks he is lucky that mom stayed with him or better came back tohim after everything he had done. They were meant for each other and that's more than anyone could ever ask for. But Jesse wasn't that guy for me. He couldn't be that guy for me.

I wiped the tears away and started the car, driving to the only hotel in Morrison Creek, which is also the place Jake was staying at. I had textedHanna to find out his room number. Hanna was here along with Jake and Poppy because of my birthday party and they hadn't gone back to England yet. They were probably leaving soon, but until then Hanna, Phoebe and Poppy had a lot of catching up to do, while Jonah and Jake barely saw each other.

I took another deep breath once I was standing in front of his room, before knocking. Just a short time later the door opened and Jake was looking at me. "We need to talk" Was all I had gotten out. He nod and allowed me inside. Soon we were sitting on the chairs at the table across from each other. "What did you want to talk about?" He asked and I realized that this was probably gonna be even harder than it was with Jesse.

Jake was my first real boyfriend and his Scottish accent was part of the reason why. I thought it was pretty cute and one of the many reasons I had fallen for him in the first place. "About us. What you asked me on my birthday. I'm here to answer it" I said and made a short break "We can not be together, no matter how much you want to. I wouldnever ask you to give up your London life to come here. What happened in London, stays in London. It's a crappy thing to say, I know, but it's the only way you can let me go. I wasn't myself when I was with you. I was some fantasy Promise, but this is reality. I need to be real Promise and I would just start escaping myself again, when I would get back together with you"

I could see how he started crying a few tears. I stood up, before I started crying as well. I walked to the door and turned around, facing him, just one last time "Goodbye Jake" I said before leaving the hotel room.