HobisHearteu's definition of a college friend: A person you don't get anxiety when working with; a person that doesn't mind working with you; a person you talk to--strictly about schoolwork--only when forced to work in pairs.
Nobody asked me what my definition of a college "friend" is, but I decided to share anyway.
To survive in this cold, hard world, you must be able to get along with people.
Why?
In your elementary, middle and high school (or primary and secondary school) years, teachers often have you work with partners. Whether it be working in pairs or a small group of people, you're expected to effectively communicate with these other earthly beings we call "classmates." I don't know why the hell teamwork is necessary in school, so don't ask. That's just the way it is.
Partner days don't end when you enter into college. Yes, a large handful of professors will have you work in pairs because—apparently—face-to-face communication is essential. If you're like me, the word "teamwork" is not in your vocabulary. If you're like me, you don't like to work with other people because, "Ew, humans."
In the adolescent school years, you generally see the same people in each of your classes day in and day out. In college? Not so much. Once you reach post-secondary school, it's rare to have the same exact schedule and the same exact teachers as another student. That means you have a whole lot more peers you may or may not be required to mingle with.
A lot of people entering college won't have friends because kids go their separate ways once they're out of high school/secondary school. If you're like me, you're starting out alone.
You'll be surrounded by strangers of all ages in each of your classes. From not-even-grown-ups that are fresh out of primary/high school to adults in their sixties who decided to change their lives by returning to school. If you're like me, you'd choose an adult peer over an 18-20 year old teenager any day. (It's okay to talk to older folk, they won't bite.)
If you're anything like me, you don't like people. You don't enjoy meeting new people. Talking to people is not your forte. You would rather partner up with a lamp than a person—or as the Spongebob Squarepants character named Plankton puts it: "If I want it done right, I'll do it by myself!"
As a preteen and a teenager, nobody wanted to partner up with me. Maybe it's cause no one in my class truly considered me their friend? Or maybe I seemed unapproachable. I know that in 9th grade I had a resting bitch-face that screamed come near me and I'll bite your head off, so I know firsthand that the fuck-off-facade isn't the best tactic in the world. Why? Because I always ended up with the worst people in the class who either don't care about school and causes us to get a bad grade/mark, or was forced to be with me because their usual friendship circle has an odd number of people. Sometimes, I'd be forced into a group that truly didn't want me and would treat me like an intruder. None of that is very fun.
Recently, I've learned that the friendly face works much better than the fuck-off-facade people love so much. In college, everyone wants to pair up with a friend, the smart kid, or the friendliest face in class. Nice people often seek out other nice people. Therefore, if you make yourself look approachable with a nice, genuine fake smile (a celebrity's smile is a great example of this) and upright posture, you can attract nice (but still disgustingly human) people in class. You won't even have to go to him or her because he or she will come to you.
If that person ends up falling for your well-practiced facade and enjoys your partnership, you will no longer have to mentally fall apart over the anxiety of picking a partner, or being stuck as the person nobody wants to be with (because, let's face it, that's mildly humiliating.) That person will be like you. He or she wants to have a go-to for those unexpected "time to work in pairs/groups" moments almost as much—or possibly more—as you do. Once you've established the whole partnership thing by pairing yourselves up together on multiple occasions, you will have officially made (HobisHearteu's definition of) a college friend.
A college friend is someone you can count on 50% of the time when you need a partner. He or she is someone that you can trust will split the work like a mature adult. Even if it's not a partner-friendship, if it's just someone that you can comfortably sit next to in class, he or she is your college friend. You don't really talk unless it's schoolwork-related, and you don't see each other outside of the classroom. The only form of communication you use with him or her is (probably forced) face-to-face conversation. You and your college friend may be of a first name basis, but it's not required; hell, you dont't have to know his or her name if you don't want to (I usually forget names.)
Yes, pretending to be a person that is pleasant to be around may be hard. Yes, maintaining a fake smile that reaches your eyes may be a struggle. Yes, verbally communicating in an articulate manner may be something you have to practice doing like a Sim practicing the speech skill in a mirror. Yes, setting aside your defensive attitude may prove to be a challenging task. Yes, helping and asking for help from peers may take a lot of courage to do. Yes, these are faux-friendly skills that take time and effort to master. Yes, it is worth it.
But don't wait until you're in college to start using these skills in school (or even work.) Start now. It's easier to walk into a new place already knowing how to fake it than to have to learn it during your adjustment period. It's like trying to shoot a bulls-eye when you've never touched a bow before. Or trying to take an abstract algebra test when you've only just figured out what an equation looks like.
Do you know what abstract algebra looks like?!
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???????
If you're like me, try making a college friend. I don't care what grade you're in, just try it (even if you are having to literally create a new you in the middle of the school year.) Go for it. Hate working with people a tiny bit less, and then grumble about it when you get home. It makes life in college a heck of a lot easier when you know how to fake it. I rest my case.
