Book of Shiteu the 2nd

"But What If..."

I want to be a surgeon. That's my goal. I want to be a Neuro or a general surgeon and maybe do side biological lab research. That's my dream.
If my hands fail me and I can't go into surgery, I will fall back on child & adolescent psychiatry instead.

I have specific goals to focus my efforts on that are as definite as the universe allows.

My life's always been chaotic bc I was raised by an unorganized mother. Her ideas are sporadic and everything is spontaneous. We rarely plan things out and they're never concrete when we do. But I prefer having order. I like having structure in my life.

So I have these career goals. This is what I want. Bam. Period. End of story.

But then you have my Baba whose just like "Yeah but what if you change your mind?"

Me: I won't.

Baba: I'm just saying what if you do?

Me: I'm not going to.

Baba: But what if--

Me:

Baba: I mean, you could go down a different path because life happens and you never know...

Me:

Baba: Things could change--

Me: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Baba: You'd have gone through all this schooling for science and medicine, so all I'm asking is what if you change your mind and decide you want to take a totally different path?

Me:

I DON'T WANT ANY WHAT IF'S. What if's complicate things and gives me options. I don't want a bunch of options. I've had nothing but options my whole life and I've screwed myself over more times than I can count.

What if's just give me anxiety and room to mess up. I don't want to think about stupid what if's. There are none here. It's surgery, period. My only what if is my hands, but that's the only concern I ever want to have. Changing my mind isn't my option because this is what I want to do with my life.

She doesn't really support the surgeon thing in the first place but stilllllll

Totally irrelevant gif but I wanted it here.