Sincerely, Me

11 February 2017

Hey You,

Even though I asked for help, I couldn't go through with the plan. I hate myself right now for even thinking of doing it because it might push you away more. Actually, I made a list of the cons! 

You might think I like that guy, even though he's gross and goes through pretty much a girlfriend a day. You might think that I don't like you, but if I didn't then why would I be writing all these letters that you'll never get? You might think I'm a slut, but unlike half the girls in our grade, I do NOT put the ho in whore. You might drift away from me, which would hurt even more than the thought of it happening does.

I don't know, I tend to overthink. I've made myself near sick because I don't want to hurt you. I feel awful for dancing with him, not because he stepped on my foot three times, but because I wished it was you the entire time. 

I was hoping that you would change your mind and that you would have stayed just for the sole reason of your friends, but you didn't. I'll be honest right now- if you would have stayed and been alone during the slow dance, I would've asked you. If you seemed hesitant, I would've added in platonically of course.

You ruined any idea I had, and it was all unintentional. What would have happened if you did stay? I probably would've laughed in that guy's face, saying I had a date. I would've denied him because he knew who I was but he forgot somehow. He tried to flirt, but I brushed it all away, and I basically made him realize I wasn't interested when I mentioned "a guy I like and I..."

I don't remember what I said, but I knew it was enough for him to avoid me the rest of homecoming, score! I hope he never speaks to me again because it's kind've creepy. He's a junior, which may not seem like a lot of an age difference, but I'm actually a younger freshman.

I want you to know, I knew how I was going to make the first move at the dance. I was going to get you to dance with me, maybe platonic and maybe not but the odds are it would be platonically, and I was going to mention how the guy I like is oblivious and then make a comment how you were oblivious too, and see if you get the hint. If not, I may or may not have just upright told you, "Hey, I really like you and if that's going to ruin our friendship, I'll stay away for a while, but I just thought that you should know."

I wrote a letter instead. It's not very good, but you'll actually get to read it. I put my heart into it, and maybe possibly cried writing it because I never thought I wouldn't be so shy for once. I hope you feel the same.

Sincerely, Me.