Sincerely, Me

8 March 2017

Hey You,

Today was a foofaraw of a day. I felt like crying and giving up so many times today, but nobody seemed to notice or care, and I may seem introverted but I want attention if you know something's wrong.

You know that I don't like to come out and strictly say how I feel, and I guess nobody knows me as well as I thought they did. Or maybe I just hide well behind a smile, but trust me, I feel like I'm drowning and there is no way to get out.

I want to say that this is all a lie, but it's 100% entirely true. I don't like pretending I'm okay, but I'm not a pretty person when I'm not okay. I should be okay, but I'm not. My life is perfect enough, I have a home, I have a mom who loves me, I have food, and good food at that. Yet for some reason, I can't bring myself to be happy.

I like to pretend that one day I'll run away to London, but in all honesty, I'm probably going to end up here in this stupid little town with five kids and a deadbeat husband who is probably on drugs, because for some reason that's the norm around here.

I like to pretend that I'll become what I want to be, but in the end, I'll end up with a sucky job that I hate and I will hate my stupid little life with five kids and a druggy husband who will probably be abusive or something because that's how life works.

Funny, isn't it? You have these dreams and desires, and life just slaps them out of your hands. You want this one thing oh so badly, then, in the end, you end up with a crappy life praying that your kids get better then what you had.

I wish I could talk to my friends about this, but they'd probably deem it as my rambling again, or they would talk over me like usual. I wish I could talk about this, but it's not as easy as it sounds for me.

Today was crappy, but I'm probably over reacting again. It's probably my cathartic self kicking in again. 

Sincerely, Me.

P.S. 3 days.