Audrey and Chase (COMPLETED)

Chapter 53 - Xavier Chase Fuentarivas

Wala kong gana sa lahat.

I don't even want to leave my bed. Ayokong gumalaw, ayokong kumain, ayokong magsalita at halos ayoko na din mag-isip.

It was damn hard for me to fall asleep last night and right now, halos ayoko nalang din gumising. Ayokong matulog because it won't ever help me forget the things that I'm trying so hard to forget. Ayokong gumising because then I would have to face the reality.

And I really don't know which one is more painful.

A knock from the door of my room cut me out of my thoughts.

"Come in." halos walang gana kong sabi.

When the door opened, it revealed my Mom. On a normal basis, I might have smiled at her fully showing my teeth pero siguro naman maiintindihan nilang hindi ko kaya gawin iyon ngayon.

Mom sauntered towards me as she gave out a sad smile. I didn't miss to notice the dark circles lying around her eyes pero mas mapapansin ang namamaga nitong mga mata.

"Aren't you going to the hospital?" she queried.

I didn't answer and just buried my face on the pillow.

"Xavier's gonna try asking about you, you know?" she said again and I still kept mum.

She sighed, "Hindi ko alam kung paano ko aalisin yang sakit na nararamdaman mo but, like you, I know how it feels when you're about to lose the person who means everything to you. Because that's how I felt when I almost lost you."

"Hindi ako makakain, hindi ako makapag-isip ng matino. Ayokong nagsasalita. Ayokong may kumakausap sakin. Wala akong gana sa lahat. It hurts all over kahit na wala naman akong sakit. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam. And when you try to smile, mas lalong masakit." She continued.

I felt her patting my head. Hindi ko pa din sya hinarap because tears were forming in my eyes. Para na naman kasing sinasaksak ang puso ko. Ang bigat bigat. Hindi ako makahinga.

They kept on telling me to be strong, to hold on and to just pray. I'm trying. Pero para saan pa nga ba?

It really doesn't make any sense kung kahit ano namang gawin ko, it won't help nor save Xavier from his condition.

I don't see the point of continuing everything.

"You still remember the meaning of your name right? It means, Strength and Heaven. Nung pakiramdam kong mawawala ka na sakin, I'll admit na halos mabaliw na ko. Paano ko nga naman kakayanin hindi ba?" she trailed off.

"You were my Strength. Lahat kinakaya ko para sayo. Lahat kinaya ko because you were there. Your smiles, your cute little laughs and even your smart mouth. They were all the sources of my strength. Kaya naisip ko, paano pag wala ka na? Saan na ko kukuha ng lakas? Saan na ko kakapit?" she said again and this time, I could hear the shaking of her voice.

"You were my cute little Heaven. Lahat ng stress, lahat ng pagod, lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, mentally and emotionally nawawala. Na kahit ano pang dumating sakin, as soon as you hug and kiss me, I find comfort. I find peace and serenity and most of all, I find love. Kaya naisip ko din na, paano pag wala ka na? Where would I place myself in this crazy world? Saan ko hahanapin ang pagmamahal na binibigay mo?" she continued and I silently cried to myself.