Filling in the Cracks

Chapter 46: Black Bow Tie

Kayden's POV

I was in no mood to wake up nor attend this final goodbye. To say I hated them, would be an understatement. I made no effort in my appearance besides the touch of a black bow tie, since it was her favorite.

My mother had already left to give her condolences to the family. When I saw my mom on the day she told me the news she was bawling in tears. Even though my mother didn't know her well, I know she liked her, a lot.

I walked to my car and left in full speed letting the memories flash through. The times we talked about our future, our past, the present, and just goofed off.

I screwed up any chances with her since I was weak. My father was right. I need to learn to control my life before it controls me. But it was too late. I waited too long and now the chance is gone. I know she's in a better place now but it doesn't help to know I won't see those honey brown eyes again, her olive tanned face, or kiss her goodnight.

It's gone. All my chances are gone.

I entered the chapel to teary eyed faces, few familiar faces others not so much. I saw my mother giving her condolences. I saw Mac, Nalani, and Zo, crying by Brandon and James. The group seemed so incomplete without the one person.

I felt a tug at my pants and looked down to see a sobbing Kailee. I picked her up, wiped away her tears, and kissed her forehead. "I know, I know." I cooed gently rubbing her back as she let her tears flow.

She lifted her head up to mine and her sad eyes softened, "Do you miss her?" Kailee asked through hiccups.

"More than you'll ever know." I said placing her on my lap as the ceremonies began.

As everyone gave their speeches it came to put the coffin in the grave. Everyone went to give their final goodbyes. I waited by the brick wall wanting to say goodbye last. My mother came about fifteen minutes later and told me they were putting the coffin away soon.

I walked towards the coffin, it was empty in the chapel, besides, the preacher and I. He gave me my space as I went to her.

I brushed my hand across the wood looking at her face. She looked so calm and peaceful. Know I definitely know she's in a better place.

"Sweetums. I am so sorry. Sorry for being a jerk. Sorry for lying. Sorry for being stupid. I was waiting for the right chance but I guess it's true. Life is too short to wait. And I waited too long, but now I can tell you that I lov-"

"I'm sorry, but we have to put her in the grave now." The preacher came in.

"No!" I yelled as he turned to it sweating immensely. I struggled to speak words but they were lost.

I needed to tell her, they can't just take her away. She needs to know. Even if she can't hear me. But I guess I've lost my chance. Forever. I just need to let her know that I'll love her more than she's ever loved anyone.

Even if that person is Lucas.

"Hon!"

"Darling!"

"Kayden, it was another bad dream, dear, please wake up."

I woke up heavily breathing as my mom gave me a glass of water. "Dear, that was the third time you've woken up like this, do you want to go see Dr. Rickman." My mother suggested.

"No mom, I know everything will be fine." I reassured my mom. I didn't know who I was trying to convince; me or my mother.

"It's almost been two months." My mother said in a hushed tone running a hand through my hair.