She Looks So Perfect (Luke Hemmings)+ extras

Chapter 23- Too Long

I stayed the night at my hotel room, with Ashton to keep me company. It was hard to sleep, Ashton ended up putting on a movie for me and buying me popcorn. Both of us just stayed up watching movies until one of us fell asleep. Luke’s doctor was giving me constant updates but nothing was worth smiling for. He’s still not awake. It’s easier now the contain the emotions but still, it hurt like a bitch knowing that they were stuck in there.

I woke up in the morning feeling, well, dead. Ashton was still asleep on the couch and he must have accidently left the curtain open because now I have the blinding light was hitting my eyes and it was not comfortable. Grunting, I get out of bed and close the curtains, only to see that Ashton has stirred around on the couch and is now waking up.

“Morning.” He says, rubbing his eyes.

“Morning Ash.” Ash gets up and puts his shirt on. I walk over to my belongings and pack everything up. Today I’m moving to the boys hotel and staying with Calum while Ash moves to the room with Michael because Michael’s room holds too much of Luke’s things. “It’s time to go Ash.” I tell him, he nods and brings my hockey bag and stick while I bring everything else. Calum and Michael we’re already waiting downstairs with a cab.

I help Ashton load the things in and I sit at the front, listening to the music on my phone. Blink 182. Green Day. Evanescence. All the music that seem to bring me into another world. Getting to their hotel wasn’t bad and I paid for the ride. Calum held my hockey stick, Ash brought up the bag and Michael brought my main luggage, they all insisted on helping me. No matter what I say, they were still going to bring it.

Once everything was settled, Michael and Ashton left me with Calum. “Nicole, would you like to see this?” He asks from his bed. Curious on what it is, Calum ushered me to go there. So I do. I sit beside him and see that he was on YouTube. He types in ‘Wherever You Are 5SOS’ and then clicks on the first link. “Luke wrote a song after your break-up. We recorded it and filmed this video in LA. Luke was still hurting but he had to look happy, for the fans.” Calum presses play on the video and I watched it with him, staring at Luke the whole time. He’s not in a hospital bed there. His face is clear from bruises and cuts. He looks human there.

For a while we pretended
that we never had to end it
but we knew we had to say goodbye

No way. I remember him saying that. About us pretending that we didn’t have to end our relationship but we both knew we had to say goodbye. Already I was tearing up, both because of the song and because of seeing Luke there.

Torn in two
And I know I shouldn’t tell you
But I just can’t stop thinking of you
wherever you are
You
Every night I almost call you
Just to say it always will be you
Wherever you are

I bite the insides of my cheek. ‘And I know I shouldn’t tell you but I just can’t stop thinking of you’. He’s referring to the fact that I told him to move on from me. Because it’ll be better for him. No lingering feelings for me. But I guess I was completely wrong. He couldn’t stop thinking about me.

I wish I didn’t have to be gone
Maybe you’ve already moved on

Gabe. I remembered exactly how he told me that he thought I would leave him for Gabe. How Luke thought that there would be other guys that I could be with and easily replace him. But I never would replace him. I cannot. It’s a task that is deemed impossible.

You can say we’ll be together someday
but nothing lasts forever
nothing stays the same
so why can’t I stop feeling this way?

By now I was biting at the ends of my sweater as I cried. Those were the words I said to him the night I broke it off. I remember it all so clearly now.