The Beginners Guide to Surviving a Ninja Attatck
As we all know, getting attatcked by a ninja is pretty horrible. But, there are some ways you can arm/ prepare yourself, because there's always a chance of making it back to society alive, unless it's Chuck Norris. Might as well paint the wall with your brains, because you're screwed...
GENERAL HINTS
If nothing seems to work, here are some tips/hints you could take to your last resort.
Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire, so catch you some fire.
Always have a cup of tea before walking into a hotspot of ninjas! It's essential energy and will temporarily arm you with super powers.
Watch the shadows! Ninja could be anywhere, so keep your eyes peeled unless you want to be decapitated, dissected, urinated upon and hanged. They could be hiding in that drain, or in a tree, or they could be right behind you as you read this and you’re just too dumb to notice!
Ninjas can use anything as a weapon. Remember that! Don't let them near a vase of petunias!
UNARMED COMBAT
Ok, so you’ve identified your ninja, and he hasn’t got any weapons. Now what? If movies, video games, internet movies, or [insert other form of multimedia] are anything to go by, ninja are the ultimate hand to hand fighters, aside from Chuck Norris. Oh wait Chuck Norris isn't that good at anything anymore besides selling total gyms which are the bomb. A ninja can kick you in the teeth 249.09 times a second, and reduce a Californian redwood to a tooth pick in seconds with just their index finger. They can bring down 2000 demented protesters without a single one noticing. They are masters of ownage, so don’t get beaten up for God's sake! Believe me, getting punched, kicked, kneed, head butted, thrown, or any other form of attack from those guys is like eating a Big Mac in a McDonalds:
DEFENSE AGAINST A FLYING NINJA!!! :O
If a ninja is flying at a high speed towards you them you must leap into the air and perform a super somersault which will spin the earth on its axis and reverse time to before the ninja began to fly. Hit him then.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS...
If all else fails, you must become a ninja. I know it’s a pain in the arse, but believe me; it's worth it in the end. You can run at warp 4 (I know I said warp 5 earlier, I was being dumb!), use shuriken like no other, and jump viciously on co-worker's desks, and they can’t do anything about it, because you’re a ninja! but if you can't be bothered, and If worst comes to the worst, pay another ninja to do it for you. Of course, ninja mercenaries don’t get out of bed for less than 20 grand, so you had better hope your the owner of microsoft, if you need some ninja arse kickery on your side.
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SonstigesBasically where I let out my random energy and things I would like the world to know. CAUTION: Too many intakes of random jokes may result in LAUGHTER :D
