Love Game (√)

Episode 38

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My heart is aching. Aching because I'm dumped, rejected and I feel unwanted. I don't really understand why Monique can easily let go. Wala akong maintindihan dahil ang alam ko  naman na I've tried everything I can to understand her and everything I can to adjust.

Everything's new to me! From being patient, from asking forgiveness, from walking someone home, from pissing someone you like and just for simply feeling happy for making someone smile. Ni hindi ko nga alam na sobrang saya pala hawakan ang kamay ng isang taong importante sayo, na mahal mo romantically and as a person eh. Everything is unfamiliar even with this kind of pain either.

Sa totoo lang hindi ako mapakali whenever the ranking exam is getting near day by day, I was worried and I was seeking for an assurance na whatever the outcome maybe ay kakayanin ni Monique and kakayanin ko ang desisyon niya. Having thoughts of how she prepared for the exam, how she wants the top spot so bad and how she eagerly studies for it scares me dahil alam kong whatever the judgement maybe may isa masasaktan sa amin.

As much as I want the top spot for her, hindi ko pwedeng ibigay dahil if I lose the first spot, magagalit ang mga magulang ko and they'll send me back to Germany, hindi naman pwede iyon, hindi lang si Monique ang mawawala sa akin kundi ang mga kaibigan ko and even my Nana and Tatay Mario, mawawala lahat sa akin.

The result is broadcasted and is a thing para sa parents ko dahil they'll get some benefits of it at doon lang nila naaappreciate ang buhay ko bilang anak nila. Because of being on top, pinayagan nila akong maging regular student at tumira kanila Nana. If nawala 'to, baka hindi na ako makakapag-aral muli at titira na ulit ako sa Germany and I'll die there.

The moment Monique dumped me, feeling ko wala ng saysay lahat. I felt like I had enough of 'unwanted' drama in my life na ayoko na. Pagod na ako.

Since bata pa ako, parang pinagsisihan na nila Mommy ang existence ko, she gave birth to me and after noon, si Nana na ang nagpalaki sa'kin as she's a housemaid before sa amin. Wala ng pinadama ang mga magulang ko kundi ang pagsisisi to have me kaya sobrang thankful ako kay Nana at Tatay Mario na they decided to get married because of me, na magkaroon ako ng nanay and tatay figure so I can be happy at least. They only thing na thankful ako sa mga magulang ko, specially sa mommy ko ay because hinayaan nilang si Nana at Tatay Mario ang maging magulang ko at hindi sila.

My dad is a strict dad na parang lahat nalang ng ginagawa ko mali sa mata niya, he's fond of hitting me lalo na pag may kapalpakan akong ginagawa and ang mommy ko wala siyang magawa, he's tolerating my dad.

I was hated and unwanted at kahit sobra, sobrang pagpapasalamat ko kanila Nana ay minsan hindi ko parin maiwasan na maging affected about it. Halos araw-araw ay sinasaktan ako ng daddy ko and when they decided to go back to Germany ay ginawa lahat ni Nana na kumbinsihin sila Mommy na iwan na muna ako sa Pilipinas, and because wala lang naman sila sa'kin ay pumayag sila, sad right?

"Gamutin natin ulit ang sugat mo ha?" si Nana

"Okay na ako Nana" I said, trying to speak better.

That night after Monique dumped me sa labas ng bahay nila ay dumiretso ako sa bar mag-isa. I gor drunk, sobrang lasing that I got into a fight. Sobrang dami nila that I can't even seem to defend myself anymore, I thought I'll be dead that night pero hindi naman, sayang nga eh.

I was unconscious for three fucking days at hindi pa talaga natuluyan eh.

"Kamusta?" Dr. Martin is here, Monique's father.

"Okay na naman na siya, Allan. Pero, siguro naman pwede na siyang umuwi?" si Nana. "Hindi siya pwedeng datnan ng mommy niya dito sa hospital baka ano pa maisip nun" she continued.