Can't Escape Reality

"Because I'm Dallas Winston"♡

Little did I know, I was in for a surprise.

We finally made it to the hospital and Ponyboy could barely stand on his own. I supported him the whole way to Johnny's room. I wanted to see how Johnny was, but I didn't know if I was ready to.

The doctor stopped us. "I'm sorry boys, but he's dying" he said. My heart sunk. No, Johnny couldn't be dying. I couldn't go through this again. I couldn't handle it. I had to see him and I had to see him now.

"We gotta see him" I said shakily and flicked out Two-Bit blade like I had before. I took a breath and began talking again. "We're gonna see him and if you give me any static, you're gonna end up on your own operatin' table." The doctor didn't move for a second and he knew I was serious. The only thing I was worried about was Johnny.

"You can see him, but it's because you're his friends, not because of that knife" he said bravely. I rolled my eyes and pushed past him, putting the blade back in my pocket. When we made it inside the room, it was dead silent and Johnny wasn't moving. "No, no, no we're too late" Pony mumbled, thinking out loud I assumed. Johnny can't be dead, he just can't be.

"Johnnycake?" I asked, despite the lump in my throat growing with every second I was in that room. "Johnny?" I repeated. He forced his eyes open slightly and my heart fluttered.

"Hey" he forced out weakly.

"We won" I smiled. "We beat the socs, chased 'em right out of our neighborhood."

He didn't seem happy. "U-Useless" he forced out. "Fighting ain't no good" he said and my heart dropped. He was right but it still stung. We taught the socs that they should mess with us but Johnny was right, it was useless. We were still going to be treated like crap and they were still going to be treated with the upmost respect. That's just the way the world is and we hated it.

Johnny seemed to be disappointed in me and frankly, I was disappointed in myself so I changed the subject. "They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all" I smiled again, trying to steady my voice. "Yeah, they're callin' you a hero now and heroisin' all the greasers now. We're all proud of you buddy" I stated and tried to swallow the painful lump and failed again.

Johnny's eyes lit up at my words and I smiled bigger now, still hiding the tears in the back of my eyes. "Ponyboy" he mumbled and Pony leaned down to hear him. "Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold..." he whispered and his breathing became softer.

'Stay gold?' I thought. 'What's that supposed to mean' I asked myself but looked down at Johnny with confusion only to realize that he stopped moving altogether and his breathing was lighter than ever. "No. This isn't happening" I mumbled so low I could barely hear. I finally managed to swallow that lump in my throats and reached over to Johnny and pushed his bangs back. "Never could keep that hair back" I chuckled softly, trying to block out the bad things in the world like Laura taught me to do so many years ago before we even went steady.

I stifled my breathing and began talking again. "So this is what you get, this is what you get for helping people... you punk" I stated. "Come on Johnny don't die" I said, hoping for a response. "Come on Johnny don't die on me now" I said, louder this time. When Johnny still didn't move I slammed my back against the wall. "Dammit Johnny!" I slightly yelled, and punched the wall. Then, I bolted through the door, not even realizing I'd left the kid all alone at the hospital. "I failed. I failed again. I failed again" I mumbled and I couldn't take it.

I walked straight out the hospital to an area where I apparently wasn't allowed. "Hey you can't be here" someone stated but I didn't care. I never did.

I pulled out a gun I started carrying while Ponyboy and Johnny were in Windrixville and held it to the guy's head. "I'm allowed anywhere I want" I stated. He held his hands up in defeat as I pulled the trigger. Nothing. The gun wasn't loaded.

"You're insane" he said and walked into the hospital.

"WHY DO YOU BOTHER HELPING PEOPLE HUH?" I yelled. I finally let the tears fall from my face. "It doesn't do any good" I choked out.

I didn't know what I was going to do but I didn't care. I was in a daze and to be honest, I might have been a bit insane at that moment. I mean, I've always been a bit crazy and wild but this, this was insane. I drove to a nearby store and did something that seemed stupid to everyone else but no one would question it because I'm Dallas Winston... for the millionth time, I'm Dallas Winston and I don't care about anything. Not anymore.

                                           <[•]>

So I was crying writing this chapter. Don't worry guys, this isn't the end of the story, there is more and there is still a surprise. I want to apologize in advance to any tears this chapter has caused and I love you guys so much! Stay Gold💛

-erin😭