Everything Would Change

43

It's been 3 weeks, nearly a whole month. How has it gone so quickly? My grades were near perfect and I had actually put on weight.

No throwing up anymore and I hadn't been skipping meals. I almost felt happy.

Almost.

Mar has actually been the biggest help. She's over everyday and helps with my school stuff and helps me remember to eat.

Most importantly, she keeps me updated with what Demi is doing.

Pathetic right? She has to keep me updated because I have no idea what's she's doing anymore.

She's not moody anymore, she's just busy; she's too busy for me.

The only thing Mar can't help with, is the nightmares and my self harm.

I've been hiding it from her and because Demi isn't home until after 10 no one is home for the nightmares anyway.

Before Demi had finally got her act together and saw her therapist I managed to steal a bottle of her anti-depressants.

Good thing too, because the day after her appointment she threw them all out. Like she suddenly remembered they weren't good for her.

I had a plan now. A plan no one knew about.

I couldn't hurt Marissa like that and well Demi was too busy to care.

I had two options the way I saw it; run away, but that would only lead to me being found and brought back to Demi. Who, by then, would of course hate me.

Kill myself. I know it sounds drastic, crazy even, but I think it's my only option.

Demi's too busy now, her career is taking off she's doing amazingly. She just doesn't need me anymore.

If it weren't for me, Marissa could be doing whatever she wanted, but instead she has to come babysit.

They would both be better off.

"Hey kiddo! I'm staying tonight cause I'm really tired and don't want to drive home, Demi said she'll be home after 10 some time okay?" Mar questioned, her head poked through my bedroom door.

"Yeah, let me know when you head to bed" I smiled at her.

"I'm gonna drop out now, I'm so tired. Oh, Demi is home tomorrow but then she has to go to New York for 3 days okay?" She smiled at me.

My heart dropped, she couldn't even tell me herself? Everything goes through Marissa these days and no one seems to care.

Guess I'll do it two nights from now, while Demi's in New York and after Marissa goes to sleep.

I smiled at Marissa and carefully opened my laptop. There was a friend request notification on my Facebook and I clicked it quickly.

Sarah.

We hadn't spoken since the 5th grade, we had turned up in each other freshman year but she had avoided me at all costs.

It was then I found out why. She'd made friends with Bronte and Carly.

I held my mouse over the accept button, questioning why she would even be adding me now.

Chewing my button lip I hit accept and instantly a message popped through.

Omgosh Macy! It's been TOO long! I heard you're in LA now and got adopted! I'm so so glad to hear you got away from your dad. So how is it? Are you really living with Demi lovato?

There it is. The real and only reason she had to message me. She heard about Demi.

I carefully wrote my reply.