Be A Girl

Anxiety- fitting in?

Reason #4 I'm writing this: Because remember all the stuff you wish you had done? You should do it..and you can.

Anxiety and fitting in:

"Really wanting to be friends with someone but not being able to because you're to afraid of talking to them and embarrasing yourself and they wont talk to you again,"

"People have no idea how hard it is for some people to relax be "who they really are'. "

"When I have to go to the white board in math, my legs shake a lot and so do my arms; my hands getting sweaty. I get so nervous that I always get it wrong though, even though it's correct on my paper." -Ella 

We all shine. We are all beautiful. Like flowers. The only difference is some of those flowers are proudly blossoming, taking in the sunshine while others are hiding inside their own petals; afraid that if they open up for the sunshine, a bee will strike and pain.

Those who know me on wattpad will find it hard to believe, but I am alittle shy in the real world. Two years ago, I was so "shy" I couldn't even keep eye contact..not for a fonto-monto second!  Social anxiety is like a weapon. It stands as a barrier between you and every thing you wish you can do.. between you and happiness! And it's time you change that.

First, what is social anxiety? For me it's one of the following things:

 Your too worried and afraid to start a conversation of fear you'll make a mess of yourself and people will call you a freak and avoid you.

Not being able to go anywhere alone

staying quite in a 3 person converstation and never having the courage to ask for help when needed.

Worry affect your life so much you can no longer do your daily activities.

You think you're too boring and you start getting extremely hyper while trying to impress people because you feel like you HAVE to impress them and your normal self wont do

I had my share so I swear I understand. When it first began, It was because I was getting self-concouis and only starting to notice my weight-issue. I started to avoid people because it felt like they were always judging me. Hanna wore that, Hanna said that..I didnt want to be judged.

But then by 4th grade, I was the fat kid in the corner of the room who never talked and started blushing and making a compelete mess of her self when someone tried to talk to her.

I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to start over where no one knows my name. I was going to lose my mind. Just 'cause I was afraid of talking didnt mean I was enjoying my loneliness.

So I did something, and I want you all to do the same. Realise that you can do it. That I can still decide my life!  Shyness needs alot of patience to recover but most importantly, you need to believe in yourself!

You need to believe that you are more than enough and that the moment you open your petals, everyone will be mind-blown by your beautiful scent.

I know it's hard but try. Try to remind yourself that you dont have to impress while talking to them and they dont have to like and IT DOESNT MATTER if they do because "Those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind" (like someone said very receintly). When ever you feel like you want to say something or you want to talk to someone but you are too nervous, close your eyes, inhale all the doubts and exhale. Remind yourself that you are what matters and that no matter what (even if something embarrassing happens) you will still be fine..and go for it. Jump! Hold your life between your own hands and do what you want! Those "what if"s and "I'll screw up" will always be in your way unless you decide you can push them. And trust me, you are strong enough to push them!

Dalia, if you are reading this (and I know you are; you are always the first one to vote on my chapters!) Know that I'm sorry. Originally, this chapter is inspired by you and..I want you to know that you are amazing. Yes, sometimes you are so hyper I want to hit my head in a wall but when your not, when you're normal self and not trying to impress us, you make me wonder how someone can be this good! 

Love yourself more. Dont let the fact that you dont "fit in" so well bring you down; you should never change to fit it! You'll meet knew people next year and I'm sure if you fight your anxiety they will be dazzled with your beauty! And..I'm sorry I was never a very good friend.

This is a hard topic to relate to. (or at least I think so) but it's something we all pass through. We all doubt oursleves..some to the extend that they start getting nervous and stuttering and so on...and some just try and hide it. The point is, you are golden. I see people so pretty and so smart and so talented and they just..doubt themselves for reasons I cant even think of. But you're golden. If you open your heart to that ray of sunshine and just let all your insecurities go, people will see what I see; Gold.

Next time you feel alittle nervous, stressed, worried or afraid remember that every little bird needs to fall off the nest so it can learn to fly. You're golden. Beautiful. And it's about time you start believing it!

Maybe even go alittle far and try to help a friend out of her shell..maybe you'll be so awe-inspired by what she's hiding.

Love yourself 'cause you deserve it and text me if you ever need me. I'm here and we can always get through it together. Keep that chin up!