Be A Girl

Alone

Reason #15 I'm writing this: I want to be the reason behind your smile because you're the reason behind mine.

Alone:

Being alone is often mistaken for not having friends or not having people sitting around you. But in all honesty? I have a lot of friends and for most of my life I've felt alone until the day I found Wattpad. 

It's just that somedays, you feel like the ones around you don't understand you. It is like they see you as a ray of light when you're a broken candle, or they are looking at you but they are seeing a whole different person. I've noticed this because as a person, I'm hard to relate to.

There are days when I want the whole world to leave me alone; days when I'm just..sad. I'm sad and I keep staring at the wall, mind blank and it doesn't matter what you tell me because at the moment I don't see the point in existing. There are days when I need someone to hug me and tell me to shut up because they are not going anywhere. There are days when I am so angry I go around killing fictional characters in brutal ways. But still there are days when I can't hope but wish I would meet someone..someone who only exists in my dreams. Someone who understands me. Someone who gets that I have my moods and my days. Someone who gets it. Is it too much to ask for? Someone who would be afraid to lose you. Someone who knows you exists and actually cares that you do?

I'm weird. And that's part of the reason I mostly feel alone. It's because I'm weird it feels like no one can get me.

But you got me. Yes, you, the one reading that. I thought I was just.. a weirdo. That I should be content with making my friends laugh and have a good time with them then I can just get back to staying silent but.. you kind of get me. And it's weird and so exciting: it feels like you are like me. I write the weirdest stuff ever and you don't make fun of it; you get it!

You don't belong to a group. You are sassy one day then grumpy the other. Depressed all of a sudden somedays. You love food but you wish it didn't make you fat. You drool over fictional characters and to you they are real. You listen to music and make up an imaginary guy because simply you cant find someone to crush on! And even if you do, you go to your friends and make it the most hilarious story ever. 

It's like you're me. And that kind of makes me feel understood. I need to admit something. You help me more than I can ever help you. You don't make me feel alone and.. that kind of makes me feel safe. You make me smile. Everyday. Every morning. I wake up and I feel good because I know that even when my friends don't get me and I feel alone..you guys will get it. And you will also get it when I feel like I need to distance myself away from everyone. You always get it.

That's why I love you. You make me feel normal.

I want to make you smile too! I want to so badly! But God knows I am as helpless as mother nature is against factories. I want to tell you how to overcome something or break free from someone but I feel like no matter what I say you won't believe me.

But I swear, I'm not lying. Somebody cares. It gets easier. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it does. You're beautiful. Unique. And it takes the right person to see that. You know the special thing about being alone? You know who's there for real.

I'm stupid. I complain a lot. My grammar is terrible. I mess things up more than I fix them. But I really really really like you. You make a sense of purpose to me. You make me like I am someone. And...I want to do that to you too. Each and everyone. I want to help you fight it all. Whatever it is. This can be the last chance you have to fly. And I don't want you to miss it crying on the ground. I want you to know that you're not alone. It's hard to relate to how you feel. Because just like you've lost the words to the pain inside of you, I did to. But you're not alone. We all feel this. We all feel like there's no reason to live. But you can always feel happy again. There's a reason we always get back up when we fall. Maybe you forgot it now but it's like a breeze. The most beautiful, freshest piece of snow that falls on your nose when you finally get up.

Everything will be alright. I promise. I want to be there.