Be A Girl

Depression

Reason #11 I'm writing this: I stumbled across a mum today on wattpad who told me her daughter reads my book. Thank you. This is not just a random message. This is a message to her daughter. I have no idea who you are but I'd love to thank you in person. I'm here if you want to talk.

"You can't possibly imagine how much I hate myself."

"And I've been slowly breaking down. I've been slowly fading away."

Depression:

How do you start this subject?

I've been looking at this page for the past hour and so but the words aren't coming. I want to write about depression. But how do I start?

Wikipedia said it's a state. It said "depression is a state that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being. Depressed people can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt, or restless."

I stared at these simple lines for what seemed like eternity. Is that what I'm feeling. A couple of words and phrases brought together? Is that the heavy feeling in your chest when you dont have the desire to speak or move? When you wish you can just force your mind a blank and sleep because the longer you stay awake the more you feel pieces of you breaking? Is that how it is when you try really hard to connect to anyone and anything but everything seems far away?

I don't know what depression is. But I know this. It's inside of us all. It's a monster, hiding in our mind. Waiting patiently for the right time to attack. I know this. It splits us open. Lives inside of us. We are depression.

I know how it feels. Your sick of pretending to be fine. You've lost your sense of purpose. You're laying here and you have no idea why your crying all you know is you wish you knew how you changed from the little kid that laughed at everything to this.

Depression don't come. It hits. It's a sudden overwhelming sadness that hits you. Discourages you. It's a battle in which you either win or you die but you're too tired to get up and figh

And I'm tired too.

I'm tired of being sad all of a sudden. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of crying I'm tired of not being able to just let go. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I'm tired of  needing to scream for help but not finding the voice. I'm tired of living. I'm tired.

And most of all I'm tired of feeling tired.

You know what we need?

We need to feel needed.

You heard me. We need to feel needed. appreciated. loved. We are imprisoned inside our own thoughts. Our own sadness and we can't get out.

But maybe if we know that what awaits us outside this prison is better.... maybe then we'd fight.

I'm sick of feeling depressed. And so should you. We can change this. Together.

Your not alone. Someone out there is feeling the same way you are. I know I am.

Believe in the power of words. Just like words can skin your face the can also make it glow. Tell people around you good words. Small trival things. The do matter and once you spread the goodness around everyone it is bound to get back to you.

Believe in hope. That it is not always dark and scary and that it does get better.

The reason this chapter is updated so late is because I had a fight with my mum in the middle of writing. I wont lie. I cried and for sometime I wanted to just disappear but then I remembered you guys.

We are not alone. I have you. You have me. And I'm always here for you.

We're fighting the same battle.

You dont have to pretend to be happy. You can be happy. Stop doing whatever makes you sad. Even if everyone expects you to do it. Pick up a new hobby. Something that you've always wanted to do and give it a shot. Talk to new people. Get a new hair cut.

Be the you you want to be but cant because everyone is depending on the old you.

The older version of you might have been good. But it's standing in the way of the new you that can be outstanding.

Today. I want you to smile in the face of a stranger. Write a sweet text to a friend your not so close to. Help your mum. Open the door for a stranger. Do random acts of kindness. I know it sounds stupid but they will make other people smile. It will make them happy.

You will make someone happy.

And to make it even more weird I am waiting for you all to comment below a randam act of kindness you did today. Yes, I'm going that far. I even wish to share them in the beginning of the new chapter.

Come on. For me? Do this little favor for me and make me the happiest hippo on earth?

#StrongerThanDepression #SexierThanPotatoes we're the pink fighters.

I love you all. Your my sense of purpose.