Be A Girl

Finding Yourself:

Reason #16 I'm writing this: We all change.

I haven't written for a lonnnng time but I swear if you see the black circles under my eyes you'll forgive me. I'm tired.

Tired.

Tired.

T I R E D.

I really need a good run, the longest shower known to mankind and ALOT of sleep! Anyways, today is not a rant about how tired I am, dont worry. Today, is about finding who we are.

I think, at this age most of us is in, it's normal to be lost. Because it happens to everyone as we grow up. We find who we are and we start to see things differently and we change. And as we change we find that the ones who fit us so perfectly when we were younger dont fit us anymore so we just...we move on. I think changing is what makes us so lost; we dont know who we are and   the fact that we no longer have someone who understands us makes us even more confused  so we try so hard to find 'who we are'  when in infact we shouldnt be finding who we are, we should creating it.

I'm not making sense again, am I? What I mean to say is, we are too busy looking for who we are that it seems so hard and impossible to find it when in fact there's nothing to be found because you get to create it! You get to create yourself.

The reason I'm writing this is because I read this qoute on facebook. Is said "If you die today, would you be proud of what you have done and who you were?"

My answer was no.

My answer is no. I wouldnt be proud of anything. Not what I've left behind because I haven't left anything behind. Never saved someone's life. Never touched someone's heart. Nor have I ever made something worthwhile. I never done anything to be proud of. I think it's because most of my life I've been trying to survive not live. I lost touch with the fact that other people need help just as much as I do.

But it doesn't have to be this way anymore.

I am who I need to be. I choose who I am! I can create a new me!

Your answer might be no now. You might not be proud of anything you've done. But are you dead now? You still got a chance! You can change who you are! BE what you want! You can live! I know you're probably caged by life and depression and pain but these never end unless you break free! Make a list of all the things you wish you could do and DO IT! Help people! Be healthy! Learn a new language! Do what the crazy side of you has always dreamed of! Dont think why should I because honeslty, why should you? But think why shouldnt you! Why shouldnt you be someone worthy of pride?! Why shouldn't you be someone!

Why shouldn't you live?!

 You know why I want so hard to make a...make a person out of me? It's because I've never got the reason behind living. No, not the suicidal thought I mean...why are we living? Is it to learn a lesson? If yes, then what is it! Is it a test so we can go to heaven or hell? A.. a what? Why were we created? What's the point in having humans? Now, I gave it alot of thought and.. I have no idea. But I think I prefer leaving this earth as someone who did something.

I dont want to leave this Earth as someone who lost all faith and hope. I dont want to leave this Earth as someone who survived it. I want to be someone who lived. Helped. Enjoyed and made people laugh! And it's not fear of being forgotten, no. I actually dont want people to remember me when I'm gone (it's complicated) it's about the fact that I dont want to be lost anymore and... you get one fire. It lights once and you dont get to choose when it ends but at least you get to choose how powerful it will be. You can choose to keep it low and freeze people away. You can choose to scorch people around you with your power. Or you can spread it's warmth. It's honsetly your pick in the end but you dont get a second chance.

In the end of your life, you're not judged for your wealth or your looks. You're judged for the little things you've done that helped someone live.

 The thing about being yourself is only you can be it. Only you know what you want to be and holding back from who you really want to be and what you really want to do will never make you proud in the end.

I'm a muslim but Mother teresa once said "I alone can't change the world but I can cast a stone and make many ripples."

Maybe if we can all be our selfves. Someone we're proud of. We can all make a big ripple.

I'm always here if you need to talk or let something out. Just text me, I'll be there and i know it sounds weird talking to a stranger but all strangers stay strangers until you talk to them..

Be safe.