Miss You

Chapter 60. Cancel

•Nate's POV•

"I'm gonna grab something from the car, I'll be back in a minute!" Alaysia shouted, as she ran out the door towards the car.

"Alright." I replied, unsure if she even heard me.

I was sitting at the table eating my lunch when Alaysia's phone buzzed. I picked it up and looked at the screen.

I was shocked when I read the message.

I can't wait to see you! Thanks for always being there for me. I love you so much x Taylor

My heart sank. My fiancée. I proposed to her eight months ago. We have been through rough times, but I never thought it would come to this. Cheating is what I despise the most.

Suddenly, she hopped back in and closed the door.

"I'm back. They were doing construction out there, so it took a while to get to the car." She said, as I sat at the table in shock.

I couldn't even finish my lunch since I had completely lost my appetite.

She walked into kitchen and looked at me as I stayed silent.

"Are you alright? Why do you look so devastated?" She asked, as tears fell down my face.

I have never cried over any girl besides Alaysia.

"I am devastated." I said blankly as she came and tried to wipe my tears. I quickly pushed her hand away. "Don't touch me."

She took a step back with a confused look on her face.

"Nate, what happened? Wha's wrong? I stepped out for one minute and now you're so upset. Tell me what's wrong." She persisted as I handed her the phone.

She read the message and ran her hands through her hair.

"Is this what happened? You read the message and now you're upset?" She asked, her voice unusually quiet.

"Yes. Who's Taylor? Why are you seeing him? Are you cheating on me?" I asked, just wanting to know the whole truth.

"Nate.. he's my.." She began and I became utterly aggravated.

"He's your what? Say something!" I shouted. My anger was getting the best of me.

"My ex. That's all. I'm not cheating on you. I love you Nate, you know that." She said, not answering all my questions.

"Why are you still in contact with your ex when you're engaged to be married? He's an ex for a reason and I think you're damn disrespectful for this. Do I even matter to you?" I asked, starting to sob uncontrollably.

It hurts tremendously when you invest everything you have into a person only for it to backfire after.

"Don't cry please. Of course you matter! You're my world!  I'm sorry. I am not cheating. I just have not been 100% honest with you about him and I need to be now." She took a deep breath.

"We have been in contact since last summer. He asked to meet up at a restaurant when I was in New York and I hesitantly did. He went on about how he's not over me, but I made it clear that I moved on with you and you're all I want. Please believe me." She begged, collapsing to the floor in tears.

I did not know what to say. All we did was cry for a few minutes in silence.

"Do you still love him?" I asked, afraid for what the answer would be.

She looked up at me with sadness in her eyes and nodded.

My heart sank for the second time as she tried to hug me. I shrugged her off and stood up.

"I love him as a friend!" She shouted in tears. "Only that, nothing more. I want to marry you and be with you, not him."

"But he clearly loves you as more than that!" I shouted back still in disbelief about the information I'd received.

She wiped her tears and looked at me. "I don't give a damn what he feels and he knows that. The only person's feelings I care about is yours. I know you are hurt and I am sorry. I keep hurting you and I don't mean to. You are just perfect and I am just so messed up. No matter what I try, I can't seem to be the way I should be. I am so sorry."

"Alaysia, I refused many amazing offers because I wanted you to be happy. The Models United event would've been great, but I declined that for you! Is this how you repay me?"  I questioned as I became furious thinking about everything I sacrificed for this woman.

She cried harder. "Nate, of course I know all the things you refused for me. I love you for caring about me so much. You risked it all for me and if I could repay you, I would. But guess what? There is nothing I can think of to repay you because you're just so effortlessly perfect. You deserve more than this world. I'm sorry baby."

I nodded and acknowledged her words. So much has transpired from right before we got engaged to now and I do not know if I can keep going on like this. I always forgive her time after time, but I want stability in my relationship and right now we don't have that. I am tired of being the stabilizer every time she makes a mistake.

"Thanks for apologizing, but..." I began, unsure how to continue.

"But what?" She asked as I could sense the fear in her voice.

"I think we may have moved way too fast in this relationship. After only a year and five months, I proposed because I love you and knew you were the one from the time I met you. I gave my heart and soul for this relationship and wanted it to be perfect because I didn't see a reason why it shouldn't have been. But now, we're engaged and we seem to be having more issues now than before. I just think...." I said, taking a deep breath as she stood in front of me eagerly waiting to hear the rest.

"You're right. We did move fast but only because we love each other so much. That spark we have was hard to resist." She mentioned taking my hand in hers.

"Yeah.. but I think we should cancel the engagement." I said, as she let go of my hand and covered her mouth with her hands.

She looked at me with wide eyes as if she couldn't believe what I had said.

"No, Nate. We can get through this just like everything else." She tried to reason, but I didn't want to hear it.

I'm only 22 years old and I feel like I'm too young to be married. I don't think I have enough experience to be able to navigate through hardships in the relationship and be the best man possible for Alaysia at this time.

"Alaysia, we need to work on ourselves and then we can reunite. We just need disconnect so we can reconnect again. You need to figure out who it is that you really want because I don't understand the whole concept of talking to your ex while you're engaged to me. I also need to do some self evaluating because this relationship has helped me grow and mature as a person and I want to come back to you and be 100% better. You should be wanting to do the same." I explained, feeling like a preacher.

She nodded but I could tell she didn't like it. "Okay... Nate for you. I'll do this for you because I love you so much and I want this to work." She agreed, getting teary eyed.

"No, you need to do this for yourself. I am not doing this for you. I'm doing this because I want to be better for myself and then I can be better for you."

She sighed. "You're right Nate. We need to do this for ourselves or else this relationship will not last and I desperately want it to last."

"Thanks for realizing that. I'm gonna go and get a hotel. I'm gonna get a flight to Vancouver tomorrow and spend some time with my family. You should join your parents too." I said, walking towards the door of her apartment.

Suddenly, she called my name and I turned around.

"I love you. Never forget that. I'm sorry for all the heartache I have caused." She added as I walked over and kissed her forehead.

Then I left the apartment.