A bunch of people were screaming that a spider, a huge one at that, was near them in their own house. Rather than grabbing it with a towel and throwing the arachnid outside, I decided to let my right hand slam the little guy into bits and pieces. I felt proud, or at least for a couple seconds.
Cops showed up and handcuffed me for first-degree murder. I screamed at the top of my lungs that killing a spider is not technically illegal enough for cops to arrest me. All the cops respond that I have the right to remain silent. I just thought they like to be a-holes.
I never did understand why they arrested me. They told me my rights to have a lawyer for the upcoming trial and one would be supplied if I could not afford one. I don't know how a lawyer could defend me for killing a spider, nor know the exact reason for doing so.
When I got into the courtroom, I understood why. The judge was an even bigger giant spider. I plead insanity.
You can get away with a lot of stuff if you plead insanity. I am to be crushed by an even larger giant hand next week as execution.
Should've just tossed that guy out instead of murder.
