Why Me? (the gaga diaries)

Eighty-Six

Chapter 86-diary entry 35(still)

Taylor scooped Gaga up, and carried her back into the room, gently laying her on the bed. "What is wrong with you? Why would you do that?" He asked her, trying to hook her back to the I.V's. "I couldn't let you go do something stupid Taylor. I feel the same way you do. If you ask me neither of them deserves to be alive, but you don't need to go take care of it." He sighed, looking at me with sad eyes. "I just want to kill them for hurting my Amy." I smiled lightly, feeling butterflies in my stomach. Taylor was my dad, I realized in that moment, I finally had a family. Then I had to laugh, considering only seven months ago I was fangirling with my friends over how sexy he is. Gaga patted the spot next to her, and I climbed up on the bed. I laid down and seemingly seconds later, I was out cold.

I shot up in a cold sweat, frantically feeling beside me looking for Gaga's hand. I'd had another nightmare. She reached out, and grabbed my hand and I turned to look at her, relaxing at the sight of her face. "Another nightmare?" She asked with a frown. I nodded, laying my head in the crook of her neck. "Aw, baby." She whispered, rubbing my back, "Look at me." I lifted my eyes to see her already staring down at me. "I know how hard it is. I know it's something you'll never forget, but I don't want you to be scared anymore. Ok? You're with me now, and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you, ever again. I just want you to feel safe and be happy." "I already told you, I always feel safe when I'm with you." I replied. I could feel the muscles in her face move into a smile as she squeezed me a bit tighter. "I just can't wait till this is all said and done." She stated after a moment. I nodded, "Me too.. It'll feel good to put him behind bars.. Although, I feel guilty in a way.." She startled and looked at me. "What?! Why on earth would you feel guilty, child?" She asked. I sighed, trying to get my thoughts together. "I just.. I can't explain it Gaga. I just always felt guilty, I felt responsible for every thing he ever did to me. I don't exactly know why. I just.. I always thought.. Maybe if I was better then he wouldn't of.. Hit me or.. I don't know. I guess there's still some of that mentality left in my head, that's why I blame what happened with Chase on myself too." "Well you better get that thought out of your head," She said, almost sternly, "because nothing that happened was your fault. It wouldn't make a difference if you were a perfect angel, he still would've done it because he is sick. Do you hear me? And Chase, he clearly has problems of his own. What he did to you is NOT your fault. Period." She said sternly, getting in my face a bit. I nodded, looking down, "Ok." I replied, not really sure how to respond. She was about to go on another spiel, but there was a knock at the door. She looked at me with a slight awkward expression and quickly said, "Uh, don't freak out but.." Before she could finish the door had opened and my mom was standing in the door way.