Why Me? (the gaga diaries)

Fifty-Nine

Chapter 39-diary entry 23(still)

(continue)

"It's just that.." I sighed, scared to tell Gaga what was truly bothering me. "Come on baby, you have to tell me. I can't help you if you won't talk to me." She pleaded, squeezing my hand tighter. I drew in a shaky breath, "This is going to sound ridiculous and so selfish but, I was really happy when you guys got engaged, but after the whole treatment thing I've had this unreasonable fear that.. That Taylor's trying to get rid of me. I know it's stupid, but it's just been consuming me. And I didn't want to tell you because I know how happy you are. I feel really awful about all of this" gaga smiled down at me, "Amy, it's completely understandable that you feel that way! Don't feel awful. I promise you sweetie, Taylor's not trying to get rid of you, he just sees that you're going through something and he doesn't know how to help you." I nodded, thinking for a moment. "I know that you're right, I've known that this whole time.. I just let my brain over analyze it all." "Happens to the best of us." She smiled. I laid my head on her shoulder, and she kissed the top of my head. "Now, let's take care of this." She said, taking my arm into her hand. She helped me up, and turned on the sink, sticking my arm under the cool water. She gently rubbed water over the cuts, then dried and bandaged my arm. I thanked her, and we went and sat on the couch. I watched as she pulled out her phone, and started a new message. "Who are you texting?" I asked nosily. "Demi." She replied, focusing on typing, "I need some advice on Amy." I looked up at her, "You're asking Demi for advice?" I asked a bit confused. "Mhmm, she's been through this exact same thing, I mean I know how hard relapse can be, but she knows specifically how to keep from cutting again." I nodded, and sunk into the back of the couch. "I'm sorry I've been causing so many messes lately." I whispered, fiddling with my thumbs. She looked at me and shook her head, "You're recovering, it's not an easy thing to do. You're going to have times when you feel great, and you're going to have times when you don't. I care about you, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you don't have to do this alone. Including.. Postponing two of the artrave venues." "What?!" I asked in pure shock, hearing an even louder 'what' behind me. We turned to see Taylor standing in the kitchen staring at Gaga with wide eyes. "You did what now?" He asked. "It's just two shows Taylor!" She said, getting up and walking towards him.

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next chapter coming in a few minutes.. two chapters in one night? what?!

i'm really scared for the next chapter!

feedback appreciated

xoxo Jenna