I Temporarily Lived By Your Side.

Chapter 31: I'm Sorry.

(Seol ah)

I woke up early in the morning and went to my old apartment. I didn't bring so much stuff with me since I won't need much, I only brought my clothes, books, and laptop. I bought a phone on my way here, I have to call Jake since he will come here this evening, he already knows that I'll be moving here.

It's been a long time... I miss this place, I miss this street and the corner store that used to sell my favorite ice cream. Myungsoo used to buy it for me every time he comes to see me, the image of him walking or driving me home can't leave my memory, I still remember how he used to smile at me and tell me to go in "Sleep well!" "Dream of me!" "I'll call you once I get home" "I love you" He used to say these words a lot back then. I came here to get away from him and forget him, but why am I only thinking about him?

 I opened the door and looked around... This place is still the same, nothing has changed. I have a lot of memories in here, it's full of happy memories and good times I spent with him, I would do anything for these happy days to come back. 

I tried to distract myself so I was organizing my stuff, but everything reminds me of him. Our matching outfits, all these things that he gave me, and this room that once was full of our laughter and sweet moments. I probably made the wrong decision by coming here, but I don't regret anything, he once was in my life, and since I don't have much time to spend in this world I'll probably live by keeping him in my memory, no matter how much I hate him right now for doing that to me I just can't stop loving him and it's killing me. I don't care about what he did or will do... I wish... If only he was here with me, if only...

This is so painful, it's getting too hard to endure this pain, and these painkillers aren't doing anything anymore, they're so useless.

My heart is aching, all my body is aching... Am I dying? It was so unbearable that I took all the pills that I have just so I can make the pain go away. I haven't always been healthy but I never experienced any of this, I'm scared to death. I can't stay here alone, I'm losing my mind... I can't stop crying.

Myungsoo yah... I wish you were here... I don't care, I don't care anymore, I just want to see him at least one last time. Where is my phone? I have to call him...

Here it is...Why isn't he picking up... Please, Myungsoo... I suddenly started coughing severely... which made me fall to the ground. What's on my hand... Is this b-b-blood???  

(Instead of putting just the song/lyrics I prefer putting this music video with English subtitles. Imagine that the person in the video is Seol ah, that's exactly how she's feeling. And painkillers are all that she has right now )

My vision was blurry and I couldn't stand up, my phone was ringing but I couldn't reach it. Someone was knocking at the door.

"Seol ah! Seol ah open the door!! I know you're there! Can you hear me? Are you okay? Please open the door!!! It's me Myungsoo.." I heard his voice...

Myungsoo... I was calling his name, I was shouting but no voice was coming out, my eyes felt so heavy and I was dizzy, the pain started disappearing and Myungsoo's voice started fading away, am I dying?

(Myungsoo)

After I finished talking to the doctor I was still in shock and I didn't pay attention that there was a missed call from Seol ah. I was sitting on the floor holding my head... I still can't believe it. This has to be a lie, he's probably talking about someone else.