I Temporarily Lived By Your Side.

Chapter 5: New beginning.

(Seol ah)

After all the things that happened this morning. I had o sit down and give all a deep thought. Especially after being this close to death. I can't believe I did that. I'm still lost and I don know if should let myself be mad at the fact that I couldn't even disappear from this world yet no matter how bad I wanted to or should I embrace the fact that the universe has given me another chance to fix my life and maybe start a whole new one.

I indeed have no more reason to be alive but since that day I talked to professor Park, some of his words never left my mind, " It's either now or never, I know you can do this, I'm sure that if your friend was still alive she would be so happy for you and she wouldn't let you miss such a life-changing opportunity" these phrases he kept echoing in my mind.

I'm gonna have to leave all these depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts behind by staying as busy as possible and focusing on my success. I know that my parents and best friend are watching me from wherever they are right now so I have to make them proud of me. As for my so-called friends, I'll make them regret looking down on me. From this moment on, I'm going to be the best version of myself and a successful person no matter what.

I looked in the mirror, stared at my face for a few minutes before tears started streaming from my eyes. "It's okay Cassie, cry all you want now, just remember to be strong right after, this is your battle and you gotta win this time" I repeated to myself as I wiped my tears.

I cut my long hair into a medium length bob with short bangs, mum has thought me to cut my hair when I was younger so I never go to a hairdresser, I did my makeup and put on a little black skirt with a light pink sweater and my all-time favourite black long boots, maybe some change in style could make me look more confident than I feel, I'm ready to go through this. I'm gonna give myself all the time I need to get over all the hardships. But I'm not going to let anyone see my weaknesses.

I looked in the mirror once again then closed my eyes.

"Thank you, thank you so much for letting me live today and for giving me another chance. I'll make sure to prove that I deserve this chance, I know everything happens for a reason. And I must still be alive for a reason. Whatever that reason is, I'm thankful for it and I'll do my best to make my life worth living."

(meanwhile, Myungsoo)

"....this letter... It's a suicide note... do I even have the right to read it..." I asked myself for the 2oth time after pulling over. It's been hours since I found it yet I still can't decide if I should read it, get rid of it or give it back to her.

So many thoughts have been running through my head.

"I'm just gonna read it." I decided.

I slowly opened the letter.

<< Dear whoever is reading this,

I'm so sorry to get you involved in this and thank you for not just ignoring this notebook and walking away. I know this sounds crazy but I'll probably be dead by the time you read my note. In case you were wondering why I did what I did. I'll just answer all your questions with a simple sentence. I had no reason to stay alive. I hope you're not like me.

The reason why I'm writing this is that I couldn't get rid of this black notebook you're now holding in your other hand. It's so precious to me. It's my diary. But it's not just any other diary, It has pictures that I took this past 2 and half years. And each picture represents a really special event of my life, It has precious memories of mine, and it also contains some pictures of the dearest people to me, which I'm supposed to be with right now. You don't have to read it, but instead, I'll ask you for a favour. Please take good care of it. I couldn't think of any safe place to leave it in. Hopefully, you do. I don't know who you are, how you look or how old are you, but I'm pretty sure you're a nice person since you're still reading this long meaningless letter, It would have been amazing if we could be friends, you'd be my only friend... But I guess we cannot, since I'm already gone. Anyway, thank you so much for reading this, and I'd like to thank you in advance for willing to take good care of my diary, I appreciate it.