Monday finally comes after I'd locked myself in my room for the rest of the weekend. Helen came up and we talked, she's so nice and understanding and what advice she gave me was - listen to your heart. It will guide you in the right direction and it had chosen for me so now all I had to do was tell him. Tell him whether it was over or not. I caught the bus this morning knowing both boys would drive and it was peaceful even Jack left me alone which was nice. i got to school and walked up to our table April and Lily looked at me and then turned away. I noticed neither Jasper or Jamal where at school and I just hoped Jamal hadn't gone back to pick a fight with Jasper. I still hadn't turned on my phone so I did and the messages flooded in. I sat away from everyone and read them one by one. It was mainly Jamal apologising and asking if I was okay which is all Jasper had asked but with no reply they both realised I wasn't answering. Finally I heard April say "Jamal baby. I missed you at the party Saturday night!"
"Yeah. I got busy"
"Not with me. I had Toby, oh his such a dream boat. I think we should be more than friends. don't you think Lily"
"Yep for sure!" it goes quiet as I look out into the playground
"So where did you end up?"
"Sitting out the front of my girlfriends house hoping she'd come out and tell me everything would be alright!.... but she didn't so I went home and waited...." I look at him as he keeps staring at me and I gesture for him to follow me
"Oh Jamal's in trouble!" Lily yells as April says
"Don't worry Jamal. I'll save you a spot in my bed!" I quickly turn and glare at her while grabbing hold of Jamal's hand and dragging him out to the oval.
I had thought about it and it was wrong of me to have made him choose - if that's what he was doing. He has every right to be with other girls besides me when we're not together and he had I know he had and I wasn't jealous of any of them but April. April is different she likes to rub it in and knowing she'll upset everyone over it but my head was clear and if he was willing to give us a go. So was I but no more April butting in or it was over. I don't care about giving her lifts or anything like that but no hanging out with her without me present - I''m sorry but I don't trust her.
We stopped and looked at each other and I could see that he was as nervous as I was he goes to talk but I place my finger over his lips and shake my head "Don't speak..." he looks at me and I look into his eyes and i see the sorrow, the pain in them.
He must have been so upset all weekend because he doesn't look like he's slept since that night and I feel bad, horrible even but he needs to know how hurtful those words were even if we weren't together we were friends and he still kept that from me. yeah he had a right too but I thought we were close. Obviously not, i hate that April got her claws into him first but now he was mine and I was going to keep him, if he'd let me? I looked at him "Jamal..Ja. I can't make the past go away and I know it was wrong of me to judge you over that but April always comes between us. Even when we're together..." I stop and fiddle with my fingers before looking at him.
I grab each of his hands and their sweaty and clammy as are mine as this is something I rehearsed all weekend and kept going over in my mind until I got to say it, as it needs to be right! Jamal goes to talk again and I stop him with my finger and by stepping to him closer, he notices and watches my every move "I love you Ja. I always will and always have. I don't want things like this to hurt us. i want to be happy....happily in love again..." I look at him and step even closer to him where I'm looking up at him
"I want you to give me a chance to love you unconditionally. With no one interfering not Jasper not April no one....so what I'm asking is if we can put everything behind us and move forward I'd like to start over. Give us one more shot of hopefully finding love - together?" I shrug my shoulders and it doesn't take me a second before he picks me up and kisses me.
