Jasper drove me home. i couldn't speak - i didn't know what to say. What we'd done was a crime of passion. It happened and now things were weird between us. We'd crossed over that friendship line so what were we now? I had no idea. As we pulled up to my house, jasper reached for my hand. It was warm and sent my body into turmoil at his touch. I shyly look at him and he smiles "Are you okay?" now how do I answer that question.
My body was still trying to process the whole night from start to end in my head and the more I thought about it the more I wanted it. I look over at Jasper as his hand grabbed mine. i smile towards him and he leans over but I don't lean back, he looks at me confused. Pulling his hand away "What's wrong?" I start to fiddle with my fingers in my lap and there's so much I should be saying right now but the words are stuck - fighting to say something but nothing coming out
"Jasper...I-I don't know what to say"
"Tell me you love me again B!" he quickly says and I look up at him
"Tell me you do, B" he asks again and I open my mouth but it goes dry and I just sit there looking at him.
The tears start to build up and one escapes rolling down my cheek "Aww B please don't..." he trails off as he wipes the tear away.
He turns and grabs hold of the steering wheel and hits it repeatedly "STUPID!STUPID!STUPID!" he says while bashing the steering wheel and I grab his hands and he stops me looks at me.
Our faces almost touching from me leaning over and I quickly grab his face and kiss him, the urge was to strong to hold back and i melt into his mouth. Gawd - I love this guy so much! I pull back and we're panting a little from lack of air and I rest my forehead on his "I love you, Jasper!" he freezes for a moment than looks at me
"What?" he questions in a whisper
"I love you!" i say so he can hear me.
The smile on his face is priceless which in return makes me smile "I'm sorry. I should have just said it straight back. i wanted too but I was still trying comprehend everything and the more I think about it, the more...the more" i look into those eyes of his as he waits
"The more?..." he asks and I smile
"The more I know it was the right decision" he smiles widely and I throw my arms around him and we kiss for the longest time possible before I decide to head inside
"I'm glad I didn't wait till my birthday with Jamal. This was way more special"
"When will you tell Jamal?" i cringe at the thought but I can't be with both it's not fair on either and I think my mind and body made up its mind on who it wanted by what happened tonight
"Soon. Okay, I'll need to break it to him softly"
"Fine. I can wait. I've waited this long haven't I!?" I nod
"Yep" "And I'm glad you did"
"Me too" a quick peak and I was out of the car and inside running up to my room and I feel so different - like a woman now.
Still a little sore but he was as gentle as he could be and they're right - it hurt him as much as me but that's what you go through for love right?!
After a long shower and of me not being able to wipe the smile from my face. I climbed into bed, going to my bedside for my phone only to realise Jasper still had it. Oh well he'll bring it back tomorrow when he comes over or when I see him next? We were all up early to start packing. Dad hired a truck to move everything and it was painful. I was tried and sore but I had to try and hide it from everyone but I didn't convince everyone "How are you going there Brooklyn?" I look at Helen and blow a piece of hair from my face
"I'm tired and sore from moving boxes and furniture" she smiles and puts her arm around me and whispers
"How does it feel now being a young woman?" I look at her and she giggles
"I know that look, that one you have right now. Where you day dream of your true love and what happened between you and the memories just make you smile. I know them well" she says and I blush while looking down, she chuckles beside me
"Look, I know you think your dad and I are moving quickly but he failed to tell you that we were already seeing each other and this little bundle in here was a night of passion were we both forgot protection" I look at her
"I"m fine with you moving in - us moving and all. I finally found love and I'm happy"
"True love. Aww I remember my first true love. I married him and never thought I'd find love again until I met your dad and he asked me out to lunch that day and we just clicked and then I realised. True love isn't always with one person. So tell me Brook did you end up choosing Jasper over Jamal?" I look at her
"How'd you know?" she laughs
"That boy has been head of heels in love with you from the moment I met him. I'm amazed it took you this long to figure it out and Jamal. A lovely boy but there's something about him that screams ...what's the word you kids use. Ah Fake! I don't think he's as sincere as you'd like him to be"
"Really?"
"Yeah. Something is not right with him and I think your going to find out really soon what!" I follow her gaze to the front of the house where Jamal had just pulled up.
My heart dropped and my throat felt swollen "Oh Gawd!" I say under my breath.
Helen stand sup and looks at me "The best thing is to be honest. So just tell him the feelings aren't there and end it?!" she shrugs
"He's going to figure it out sooner or later - about Jasper and me and he'll be furious"
"Yeah well I think he's got a few secrets under that belt of his so just hold on and wait. I'll be here if you need me and your dad's here somewhere if it gets messy" I nod
"Thanks Helen"
"Not a prop honey" she walks off and I stand up and cringe in pain before walking to met him at the door.
he tries to kiss me but I move away, he looks at me and says "Your not angry because I left you here last night?" my look turns into a glare "Should I be? Where did you go?"
"I should ask you that. i rang and messaged for hours with no reply!"
How do I tell him that I fell in love and made love to him in one night? I don't - I can't. it's break his heart and mine. I've come to terms with my feelings for Jamal and I do love him but more like a family member. Not a guy to be in a relationship with. This has to end - this thing between us. He taught me things and helped me over come things I never thought I'd do and now here I am not a virgin anymore but a young woman whose sore from having sex with the guy she finally realised she love and it was everything and more. i know when I hear that song it'll always remind me of our moment. I grab Jamal's hand and walk him out the door to the front yard "We need to talk " I'm barely audible
"About what?"
"Us" I say and he looks at me
"What? What did I do? I wasn't around last night so your going off now about it. i can't help that April needed me so i went over and we had a few drinks and..." he stops talking as he realises the words that are coming out of his mouth
"Y-you went to Aprils?" I ask
"Instead of staying with me?" he looks at me and grabs my hands and looks into my eyes
"It was a mistake Brook. I won't do it again promise. She was depressed so she called. You were out of it still so I said I'd come over for a bit. We started drinking, one thing led to another and GAWD! I'm so sorry Brook but I have needs too. The things we've been doing is good but not enough. FUCK! What am i saying. I'm saying I fucked up and I need you to forgive me" by now the tears were rolling down my cheeks but i smiled at him. I did, what else could I do?
I was unfaithful myself but the difference is I'd never lie to him and stay with him, begging for his forgiveness after doing it more than once. i wouldn't do that to him so why does he expect the same from me?
