It's two and I'm still up. Hindi ako makatulog. Yung pakiramdam na ang dami kong iniisip pero hindi ko alam kung ano. Or maybe I know, but I chose to pretend that I don't.
It was not long before I heard a knock on my door. It's just a little low but rough.
I didn't stood up. Hinayaan kong magbukas ang pintuan. More or less, I think I know who's the person behind the door.
"Sab.."
Yeah, I was right. It's no other Gene. She entered my room, leaving the door locked.
"Why are you here?"
Nakaupo ako sa aking kama at nakasandal sa headboard nito. My hands on my phone, I was contemplating earlier if I should message her or not. But I didn't.
She sat beside me. She's wearing my oversized white shirt and her boxer that made her looked cute.
"I just missed you. Didn't you miss me?"
I looked at the window. It's closed since it's stil raining outside. Kahit papano ay humina na din ang ulan.
"You're ignoring my calls and texts."
She held my hand. Pumailalim siya sa kumot saka sumandal sa headboard ng kama.
"I'm sorry. I was just.. jealous."
Tinanggal ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin. Oo, nagtatampo ako sa kanya. Kahit pa binigyan niya ako ng bulaklak kanina.
"Or is it because Sophie has called you?"
"What? No! Sophie has nothing to do with us. Can we just stop talking about her?"
Inihilig niya ang aking noo sa kanyang balikat. She's giving me a different warmth and I love the way it feels. I love the heat coming from her body. I love her comfort. Damn, I love everything about her.
"I wanna tell her about us. I wanna break up with her."
Napaangat ako ng tingin at tinitigan siya sa kanyang mga mata.
"No, you can't and you won't. There's no fucking way that you'll do it."
"I can do it and I want to do it, Sab."
"You'll lose me, Gene."
Naramdaman kong humigpit ang yakap niya sa aking mga balikat. My head's on her chest habang ang kanang kamay ko ay nakayakap sa kanyang baywang.
"No. I won't let you, Sab. Damn, why are you making this hard?"
"You're making this hard, Gene. Please don't argue with me."
Ramdam ko ang mabilis na tibok ng kanyang puso. Rinig ko din ang mabibigat niyang paghinga.
"Is this because we're both woman?"
Napapikit ako sa kanyang tanong. This is hard for me. I guess, I'm making this hard for myself. Bumangon ako ng higa at napasabunot ng aking buhok.
"It's more than that. If only you can remember everything."
Bumangon din siya ng higa at umupo sa tabi ko.
"Well I don't fcking care about that fcking memory I've lost! If it will make me lose you, the hell I care if it will never come back. I don't give a fcking care anymore!"
Marahas ang kanyang paghinga kasabay ng ilang murang lumabas sa kanyang bibig. She looked fuming mad as hell and I was stunned for a bit.
Lumambot naman ang kanyang ekspresyon nang makita akong natigilan.
