BroKen~ Book 1

Virgil (Ch. 1)

AN~Ok I know I said I wouldn't repeat what I wrote but I'm inconsistent and overly anxious lol so yeah... Just reminding people that Virgil Swears ALOT Patton doesn't at all and the others TRY not to swear.

Waking up is always difficult, at least for me. Every night plagued with nightmares, so... I don't want to sleep. Yet the morning holds no joy for me either. In fact, I hate it. The bright morning sun, the sounds of laughter probably from Patton, and the unmistakable scent of food permeates my senses without permission. All I want to do is hide under the covers until it all goes away, but I can't. If I did that there would be no one to do my job. 

So like every morning, I roll out of bed, nearly hitting my head on the nightstand as I do. I blast my music as loud as I can and get ready for the day. I was in the middle of applying my eyeshadow when my door was forced open. I knew who it was before I even left the bathroom, which I only did after I was done. It happens every morning like clockwork. I go and turn off my music only to be met with a scornful look from Roman.

Huh, he isn't yelling at me... That's new... Give it time, He always does. He doesn't have to I know that look. I've seen it too many times to not know what it means. You screwed up. What's new...

I grabbed my hoodie and walked to the door. Roman only following me out once I left myself, and as I lock my door I gave him my trademark "Stink" face as Patton calls it. I catch his eye rolling and I just smirk. Todays gonna be a great day... Note the sarcasm there, I'm already tired.

"Heya Kiddo, I made you some PattonCakes if you're hungry." Patton called out over his shoulder. I bet he was already getting me a big plate. He's the only one that doesn't treat me like shit, but I know I still make him unhappy. Even if it's just how I talk about myself that upsets him. He's too kind for his own good, but that what makes him so special. He's the only one that makes me feel... wanted... and that means everything to me. 

"Anx, are you alright?" I jumped at the sudden question, accidentally spilling the cup of water, Patton just gave me, all over logans papers. I immediately jump up and start frantically trying to clean up the mess. no No NO! Logan's gonna kill me... If he didn't hate me yet, he will now. God only know's what the fuck they were for.

For all, I know they were for the fucking classroom. They were probably very important class papers, that he was grading, and if he doesn't hand them into today, the students won't have anything to study from. Then there would be a test, which is probably tomorrow and every single one of them will fail it. Which is going to make all of the depressed and give up, failing the whole class in general. 

All because I spilled my water. 

"Shit!" I yell, frustration and fear rolling off of me like a fog, suffocating me with every breath.

"Language!" I hear Patton yell back. He's always so damn pure, next to him I'm like freaking sludge.

"Spanish." I called back, as I slumped back into my seat the anxiety finally getting to me. I couldn't stop my thoughts from running rampant. All the possible scenarios, situations, consequences, and circumstances that may result from me having spilled my water. AND TO TOP IT ALL OF MY HEADS TO FRAZZLED TO EVEN REALIZE THERE ALL THE SAME FREAKING THING... kinda... doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm literally about to have an attack and it's not even 11:00 yet.

"French... Playing a nice game of word association are we." S-Shit... Again... Logan... I-I c-can't even t-think s-straight right n-now. All I hear are people yelling, screaming, judging me. I didn't even notice when I had stopped breathing. I only realized now because my lungs were burning, begging for air that refused to come. I was trying... I was... Every time I took a breath, I just coughed and sputtered. The shaking was obvious. Especially since I had put my self on the floor, and into a fetal position. I was practically rocking myself. I knew that the others saw what was happening, I was panicking right there in the open, which only made it worse. All that embarrassment made the voices change the topic. Instead of Logan Hating me, it was about how I am such a child, a disappointing freak. I couldn't even hold myself together for one morning. I know that is just my anxiety causing me to hear that but it doesn't hurt any less. And if you spend enough time hearing the same thing... 

You start to believe them.