BroKen~ Book 1

FlashBack

AN~ This is a continuation of the first Flashback enjoy. Also I Went back throught to edit it so yeah lol... Though i probably stil missed things still I hope y'all still enjoy it.

"There... Feel better... Anx?"

I didn't say anything... I just shrunk into the warmth of my hoodie and prayed that the conversation playing out would eventually die down. trying to keep calm by using a trick Elphie taught me once. Identify who's speaking, focus on the voice not on what they are saying.

"I thought it was weird you didn't have it. I was going to ask, but I didn't." Patton.

"Wait you knew it was anxiety the whole time?" Roman.

"You didn't?" Back to Patton. Dad. I've missed him.

"I had my suspi..."Liar... "Fine, no actually, that particular thought never crossed my mind." Logan. He never could lie to Pat.

"Guy how could you not know this is Anxiety." They don't care, Pat, they... They never did. Only you cared and... I hurt you.

"Anxiety are... Are you ok?" No... No, I'm not. I don't know who to handle this... I don't know how to cope with any of you anymore. What if you find out? What if I hurt you? What if THEY find me? What if THEY try to hurt you and I can't do anything to help? What if I try but I only make things worse?  What if the seal breaks showing everyone the truth about me and then everyone hates me and treats me like a freak only to actually hurt Thomas who doesn't even know whats happening and then he starts suffering because I couldn't keep my emotions in check and then I end up hurting people because my magik goes awry and...

"Anxiety!" I scream jumping behind Patton as if he's a shield against whoever it was that just yelled. I try to breathe, thinking of all the mantra and all the tricks I was taught... but I couldn't catch my breath. That is not until Roman decided to hug me.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled. I know how much you hate it. I was... was just... I'm sorry." The warmth of the hug pulled me back to that day back in the vale. It was the first time Roman had ever hug me. He didn't recognize me then either. But... it was one of the best days of my life... The warmth of his hug, the sound of his heartbeats, the movement of his breaths, none of it changed. This was the Roman I knew. Not that pompous prick of a prince but the kind-hearted best friend who I... honestly... Who I fell for. But that will never happen. Especially if he's a Prince now... It's laughable, think about it... 

The Prince and the Wicked Witch of the Vale.

"I-I s-sorry f-for n-not telling you it w-was m-me." It was all I get out. However, I cursed myself silently when Roman pulled away. He went back over to Logan who, like always, was taking notes. 

"Why?" I looked up at him in confusion. I was still trying to bury myself in my hoodie, so I was unsure if I heard him correctly.

"Why didn't you say anything? You obviously knew it was us. You even said my name, though if you didn't know my name I would think your kinda... I mean, everyone knows who I am." Oh god, the pompous Princey is back.

"Roman!" Patton had a deep look of disappointment etched into his normally happy face. It didn't look right. I didn't like it. I could feel myself start to slip a bit. My magik is emotion based which I learned after the last time I saw Roman. When my emotions get too much, I tend to lose control. And I could feel it. All this worry and panic that I feel. The guilt over the past, the sadness I still haven't gotten over, It's all too much. 

"I'm going home." If I stay any longer I might lose it completely and I don't want to do that. Not here, not with them, not ever. I started to leave when I felt someone grip my arm stopping me. They whip me around so that I was looking at them right in their face. Roman, no that's not Roman... Princey... Princey was fuming. Like he had any reason... But I guess he did. They all did, and I wasn't making it any better.

"You're just going to leave." Nothing. I just... stood there not even looking at him. I couldn't even if i wanted to. I had no right.

"5 years and you're just going to leave again, just like that." Ouch. I notice as the shadows start to grow. No!! Please not now.

"Who do you think you are? When you left the first time, do you know how it hurt us... How it hurt Thomas!" The shadows got even larger, reaching out as if to touch me. Like that would make me feel better. My temperature was getting colder with every word he said. My hand already felt like ice. My bodies way of punishing me no doubt.

"You don't even care, do you? You don't care what you put us through. What you did to Thomas. Your so co-" I snapped.

"What? Cold-hearted? I'm Anxiety I didn't realize I even HAD a heart, to begin with. Besides your right, I don't care, I never did. Caring is pointless. It's just setting yourself up for failure right off the GET GO. Why do think I left in the first place? I was tired of pretending to care." The lights exploded causing everything to go dark. The shadows covered me like a shield as if to protect me from that which hurt me... In this case... Roman. 

I ran out of the store so fast I don't think they even had time to register. That's good though I didn't want them to see me, not like this. However, I knew I wasn't going to be able to avoid them for long. I stayed around town for awhile waiting until it was pitch black before heading home. And by home, I actually mean home this time. 

Walking through those doors was like a breath of fresh air. All my posters and art still hanging on the walls. Everything was clean and well kept like it was waiting for me to return. My bedroom, however, was not. It was exactly how I had left it... A mess. I dropped my bags on the floor and got to cleaning it up, putting the dressers back, and fixing the bed. I put away all the clothes I had brought and hung up the things I wanted safe. I put my guitar in the closet and my art stuff on the closet shelf... Don't judge I may not be the creative one but having a few outlets is good for coping with anxiety. Then I picked the chair up and fixed the desk.

Tired and just emotionally drained, I collapsed in my old bed and just watched as the room around me grew and changed to fit the new me. My bed got larger so that I could actually fit on it. The pastel blue wallpaper turn to a darker shade of purple. It also added a few things like spider curtains, posters from my favorite movie, and even the tree of life etched into the door. The tree of life was one of my favorite stories that Elphie would tell me. I think that's the best part of the whole room. Though I didn't get to see it for very long... Sleep called and there was no fighting it. It pulled me under as I just laid there completely unaware...

Of the three people who were watching me.