BroKen~ Book 1

FlashBack

"What is wrong with you?"
i don't know

"You know what happens if you push yourself. Why would you do this?"
I Don't Know.

"You have to stop doing this. Why won't you just GROW UP!!!"
I DON'T KNOW!!

Da- ... I... I'm sorry. I just... didn't want you to feel sad.

The burning in my lungs was growing stronger as I started having another coughing fit. My throat hurt too much to say anything. So I just laid there, listening. Patton never yelled... ever. Sure he got mad but he never yelled. But... he did then ... and it's my fault.

All I wanted was to be a hero like in all the Disney movies Roman and I would watch. I wanted to save people. I wanted to the amazing Disney prince that breaks the curse and saves the day.

Prince Virgil... Prince Anxiety... more like Prince Delusional. I was never going to be a hero. You can't be a hero if all you do is hurt people. You can't be a Disney prince if your the bad guy. 

That night showed me the truth. The truth of who I am and what I do. My job... And just what that entitles. I am Anxiety. It's my job go give Thomas fear, to keep Thomas on track. Keep him safe, by making dangerous things... scary. Cause him to think about the bad things he's done so that he learns not to do them anymore. However, I am not like the rest of them. Roman is creativity, He's needed. Logan is logic, he's needed. Patton is morality, He's needed. I-I... I'm not.

It took me awhile to get better. Not that it mattered, I never left my room. Roman came by though, he was the only one who did. He'd bring me food and movies to watch, but seeing him only hurt me more. After all, all this shit was my fault. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't see how thin he was getting, I couldn't deal with the red eyes and dark shadows. I couldn't face the guilt. So eventually I locked him out. At first, he would knock... a lot. But then he started to give up, just leaving the food on the floor, until even that stopped. I just stayed in bed. 

Eventually, I'd get up... I may not physically need to "eat" to survive, but if I don't for too long I'd get sick... Lack of energy and all, plus we still feel hunger and fatigue... and pain, it's just that they won't kill us... And just the thought of making Thomas sick because I was sick... because I wasn't eating would have been too much. However, I still didn't go back to the mind palace for a long time. I would go out into the mindscape. Think of it as a little world inside Thomas's head. A world full of thoughts, creations, imaginations, and Emotions.

Only the Main personalities are linked to the Mind Palace. However, that doesn't mean were are alone. There's a system to it all. The main personalities are "in" the Palace. The secondary emotions live in the area that surrounds it, allowing the easier access to the Palace should they be needed. Then you have the thoughts, memories, and or imaginary. Such as copies of he friends and family, or characters he's played as, or even character he's made up or enjoyed. 

That section alone takes up so much space... Then you have the enchanted forest. When you first enter it, you have the "Enchanted Forest.  It's filled with animals and a few mystical creatures such as the Griffin, the Phoenix, and even a few Unicorn. But then... if you go too deep into the forest you reach the "Vale". It in it of itself isn't bad in a sense... but its a barrier. A warning to those who have reached it to go back. The vale is cold, gray, and empty. However, it is home to Witches and dragons. They are a bit of a neutral... thing... Don't get me wrong they don't like us, and a few will try to attack, but they hate the nightmares more. So, for the most part, they leave us alone. In fact, they guard the Vale so that no stray nightmares escape. While we provide them with essentials and supplies if in need. Sort of a treaty...ship... type deal. A treaty between people who don't like each other... Well, I guess the saying is "The enemy of my enemy is my... frien-em-y"...