BroKen~ Book 1

Virgil(Ch.7)

"What the hell are you thinking?" The meeting had just ended, but the "Trio" as we are calling them are talking plans with Logan. I just wanted to be by myself. Roman, however, was not letting me pass. Not without a fight, I guess. I did go against his and Patton's wishes. But... I choose my own path and unfortunately, I have a job... Protect Thomas. I am going to do just that.

"Anxiety I am talking to you. Stop thinking about yourself for a change and answer me?" Thinking about myself, yeah sure. So putting myself in harm's way to protect Thomas from his nightmares is me thinking of myself. It doesn't matter, nothing truly matters. 

I try to push past him hoping I might be able to get to my room, but he doesn't let me. He grabs my wrist and a light pops. Damn, I guess I haven't come down yet. If I'm still charged I definitely don't want to deal with this. however, despite the shock of the light bulb exploding, he still won't let go of my wrist.

"Anxiety, please. Tell me why?" His voice had softened but...  I just wanted to be left alone. No Roman, or logan, or Patton, or Elphie. Just me alone in my room. I managed to rip my wrist from his hand. Not that I couldn't have in the first place I just didn't want to risk it. But... this time he moved to block the door.

"Get out of my way Princey." I could hear my voice start to glitch. This is not good. Why won't he just leave me alone? I did nothing to him. I made my decision they didn't have to go along. If he is this pissed at my choice he should have left. NO... Instead it says that HE'LL FIGHT THE FUCKING NIGHTMARE INSTEAD. Like what the hell. Don't say you're going to join the fight and then get pissed because of my decision and certainly don't change your decision because mine went against it. I would prefer you not going so that it easier on me. I don't ever want you seeing me like that. The lights started to flicker... This really isn't good.

"No! How can you do this AGAIN? You make a choice that EFFECTS ALL OF US, without even taking us into consideration. Its like 6 years ago all over again. Do you honestly not care at all. Oh no... I forgot Your Anxiety you cant care it's a pointless endeavor that only sets you up for failure." I had enough of this. I grabbed Roman by his wrist pulled him into the room and away from the doorway. But Instead of stopping my anger fuel aggression, I then twisted his wrist until his arm was positioned behind, while he was on his knees.

"Your right I don't care. Like I said I am Anxiety I don't... have... a heart. My choice is my choice. You don't like it, then don't follow." I was barely speaking above a whisper forcing the words between my teeth. The distorting glitch becoming more pronounced in my voice with every second.

"Then go, see if I care." That was my limit, and with it went all the lights in the room. Just like the night, they found me. Realizing what I had done I let go of Romans hand and ran. Just ran... All the way to my bedroom, where the shadows were waiting.

I did it again. How am I ever supposed to deal with these things if every single time I get too emotional something EXPLODES? I Just have to stop caring. Stop feeling, let it go back to how it was before all this. Where I keep my distance and everyone stays happy... and safe. I sit on the floor in the middle of my room. The shadow growing darker and surround me and I just sit there. The voices from before coming back to haunt me. Telling me things I already know.

You're a freak... I know!

A wicked witch... I know!

They don't care... I know!

You belong back in the vale not here... I know!

Your only hurting Thomas... I know!

Nothing They say is new. I've heard it all before.  I guess this was a wake-up call. I have been trying so hard not to care I was just bringing everyone down. I didn't even show up for the videos until the 3rd one and even then it has how to battle me... I just... 

Warmth... The dark shadows started to leave as the warmth grew. Someone was in my room... Someone was seeing me... It was getting harder to breathe as my anxiety started to rise up. They're going to see me... Like that... They already must have seen the shadows... They're going to think I'm a monster. I'm never going to live this down... I'm... I'm...

"I'm sorry." Wait, what? The person who was hugging me, hugged me harder, pulling my head to his heart. His Heartbeat. Roman...? 

"I didn't mean what I said... I should never have said any of that. I didn't mean it. I was just so angry. Not at you but at what was happening. I just... I made you... I just sorry." I was the one that almost broke your wrist. And I also managed to break all the light in your office. so I guess we are even? I pushed up closer to him, burying my face into his chest, against the cold air. But as quickly as they left the voices came back, drowning out his heartbeat. talking, scream, fighting, trying to spit hate and make me hate myself. The hug slowly lessening as they did.

"I-I s-sorry... I d-didn't mean to..." I could feel him go back to hugging me tighter, and I try to hide in him. As if he could keep the voices away. Tears streaming down my face, making his nice dark blue suit all wet and gross. (Roman never got back in his white one) 

"Didn't mean what?" What was I sorry about?  6 years ago, 4 years ago in the vale, 1 year ago at the store, the meeting and then after the meeting. Crying on your beautiful clothes, my attack keeping you from whatever you MEANT to be doing right now, You name it. 

"Everything." The cool serene call of sleep took over and soon I was in darkness.

 Asleep on Romans lap.