BroKen~ Book 1

Flashback pt.1 (Patton)

She told me to try...

Why would he... Did Elphaba tell him to come back? Would he if she hadn't? Did he ever want to come home? Was he that mad? 

I didn't mean to yell. I was just so scared... I lashed out and then you left and then I didn't know what to do. I was falling. Logan tried so hard to get me to come back out of my shell but... I couldn't. I made you feel like you had to leave. I made you run to her. And as much as I want to HATE her for taking you away from us. She didn't ... She was your teacher when you didn't have Logan. She was your friend when you didn't have Roman. She was your MOTHER  because you didn't have me. She didn't have to take you from us. We... I had already pushed you away.

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Logan tried to get me to be productive. He wanted me to stop focusing on Anx. He even went so far as to force me out of my own room to go and talk with the people at the day program. Usually, I had. It was my job. I had several different programs that ran through the day program. Each one tailored around helping everyone. It was my job to keep it running smoothly so that everyone gets the help they may need. But after that day I... I couldn't even help Thomas. I didn't feel like I deserved to. If I couldn't even help Anxiety, a 10-year-old child, how was I supposed to help Thomas? How could I keep Thomas happy when I myself felt like... poop?

Eventually, I got back into the swing of things. The patterns and routines making it a bit easier to get out of bed and work. Logan, of course, was a light in the dark. I don't know what I would have done without him. He had stepped up before I had started to work again. He had made plans, helped with Thomas, helped with the day program and when he had the time he would even go and look for Anx. He sorta took on our jobs. I know it must have been so stressful I have no idea how he managed to do it. Roman... well he wasn't really there. He went off to look for Anx when he had found him gone, but... He never did find him. Got so sad, but then he wasn't... He went and started an apprenticeship with Prince Charming, got knighted, and built himself a castle right on the eastern edge of the vale. 

It was hard for me to start working again but I knew I needed to. Even though He didn't say anything I knew Logan was suffering. I couldn't just watch as someone else I cared for got hurt because of me and my emotions. 

Walking into the day program for the first time in a long while was nice. It was a nice way to start getting back into the flow of things. I had been back to helping Thomas but I still never really left the house... Not without Logan. He made it so I didn't feel so sad and guilty. Though I will admit going to the day program was a good idea... I already felt so much better.

"Um, excuse me, sir... Is your adviser here? or maybe someone from the program board..."  Logan was already in his "business mode" which I don't mind. I was never really good at the business part of this. I just wanted to help people. I'm glad Logan is able to help and stuff... even though it was my meltdown that made if have to do it...

Anywho... (What, where, when, why) The day program did a nice job renovating. They repainted the walls white adding a blue barrier, built a store and paint the counter a dark blue, and even added a few flourishes here and there in a purple color. It looked great. They even when and built a sign and put it on the store counter. It had mine and Logans symbols, but it also had something else as well. It was a little rain cloud with a single lightning bolt. I'm assuming the sign was like a dedication thing for me and logan but who is the third person.

Looking around I was more things they had added based on us. They had a reading nook, complete with tables and shelves filled with books. There was a toy area for all the little kiddos... and me probably... Definitely. There was also a lounging area. It had bean bags and comfy looking chairs. Charging docks for phones and computers at each chair. Probably from the other person on the sign. It was a good idea, nowadays who doesn't have a phone, and if they're going to stay they are going to need to charge it at some point. Plus those chairs look super comfy. 

"Not really? You decided to stop by on a Sunday... No one ever works on Sundays. However, if there is anything you need I'm sure I can do something. There's a table over there on the left if you plan on staying to work." I looked back over at Logan and notice he had already started setting up at the table to work. The man he spoke to, however, was still behind the counter unpacking boxes and loading the store shelves. Every once in awhile he would stop whatever he was doing, probably deep in thought. Anxiety used to do that too. I always thought it was a bit odd. After all, how can a ten-year-old have so much to think of? I just felt bad for him. This man, however, seems to be just as lost in thought. I wonder what he's thinking about.

"I know I'm dashingly handsome, but if you could stop staring so that you might assist me, I would greatly appreciate it."  CHEESE IT ROMAN!! Darn Kid scared me. I didn't even see him come in. Well, I guess neither did counter man because he jumped. He ended up tripping on a box he had just put down. Roman had just caught him before he fell... but he caught him in such a romantic fashion. What is with this kid and being so dramatic. 

"R-R-Roman!!!" The counterman jumped right out of Romans arms and immediately ran behind the counter. He reminds me so much of Anx, it almost uncan-... Wait...

The kiddo was wearing a bright pastel blue work shirt that contrasted a lot with his stark black hair. He was wearing ghost white foundation and smudge back eyeshadow underneath his eyes. On his shirt, he had a pin. A pin with the same symbol as above him on the sign. Not to mention the most obvious thing that I can't believe I missed... We all look like Thomas, meaning he does too. So why did I not see that?

The reason he reminded me so much of Anxiety was because he was Anxiety... And that rain cloud thing is his symbol. He worked here... How did we not know.

A smile formed when I started to figure it out. Then it hit me. Roman just dipped Anxiety. He was just charming Anxiety. Did he know? Did he not know? Either way, it is hilarious. I couldn't help but laugh. The two of them always did look so cute together. Not to mention the obvious crushes they had on each other.

"What's so funny Patton?" Crud muffins...

"Oh, nothing Roman. It's just you can't tune yourself down in the slightest, can you? You just have to charm everyone, huh?" It is true though. He is always charming people. It all about the dramatics with him. But then again, What else would you expect from the student of Prince Charming himself.

"What I am Prince it is my job to save damsels in distress. Is it not?" 

"Hey, I am no damsel Princey!" Oh... My... Kittens! Anxiety's pout looked so adorable. My laugher getting so much louder as my excitement grew. I missed this. It just isn't the same without all my kiddos. However, I did feel a bit guilty for distracting Logan. He was trying to do some work and here I am practically laughing in his ear.  I hardly even noticed Logan get up and walk over to the cubbies. I was too focused on Anx and his cute little pouts toward Roman. 

"Why is Anxiety's hoodie here?" Uh Oh. This isn't going to end well.

Roman ripped the hoodie right out of Logan's hands, and I swear I heard Anx cry out. How dare they treat my son's hoodie in such a way. I know if it where my cardigan or even y favorite cat onesie I would be so heartbroken.

I immediately walked over and took it from Roman, checking to make sure it was still intact, while also shooting the both of them my "You are so grounded" look. The look of fear passed both of their faces, so I think they got the message. Nobody hurts my kid... or his things. 

Walking over to anxiety I could tell he was scared. Not of me... I hope ... But still scared. It was sad. I mean we just reunited after so many years and now this happens. I'm worried he's going to leave again. I... don't... want that to happen again. I gripped the hoodie praying that Anx will forgive them... and me. Then I quickly threw it over his shoulders. His hoodie is like a security blanket for him. I was actually very surprised he did have it on to begin with. 

"There... Feel better... Anx?"