The Queen's Critique Chamber

⚜️ Batch 1: Who will it Be?

Royal Critique Work by shnmiaaa
Story: Who will it Be?
Written by: @Queen_messybae

⚜️TITLE: Who will it Be?

The Title is intriguing on its own way. Yes. I like it. Somehow, it seems a common type of a title but it looks and sounds promising. Who will it be? Nice! But the 'Be' is not suppose to capitalize the first letter, po. Be is not a noun po or subject. It is an irregular verb so it's not suppose to be capitalized pero kung style mo 'to. Then be it.

⚜️BOOK COVER:

The simple aesthetic vibe resonates in the book cover. The-uso-ngayon-na-covers. 'Yong mga tumblr/tumbler style. The protagonist girl is the one in the cover, right? The tibo-tibo type of a girl. I mean, sino pa ba po 'di ba? Hehe. The cover itself fits its very title. Though it's simple pero 'yong tipong maganda ito kasi the picture or the photo you got is already attactive and nice. The photo itself made the cover good-looking. But I still somehow look forward for you to have another good cover. 'Yong mas expressive? Mas eye catching and mas maganda. And add attractive fonts and details for the very least.  Either way, I like this one too anyway.

⚜️ DESCRIPTION/ BLURB:

For the main plot or idea of the story. You have described it well, po. Not that much of a narration or description but it's good. Straight to the point.  And here, you only described mostly the leading girl. But for the two guys who have fallen in love with the same girl you said po na opposite personality sila. And if opposite personality, it's a complete total like  "Ah! Alam ko na 'yan. " Of course— The bad guy and the good guy. What else could it be? It's nature. It's yin and yang. It's black and white. It's how it is. I mean, you have the idea. Just like almost everybody else. Yes. But it's pretty common but I like how you do the descriptive parts of the story. It's Formal. Making it outstand the rest I have read/ criticized with the almost the same or the same story. But I guess, maybe the content will be not common? Maybe you'll outshine the rest with the same idea/plot through here? Hm? ;)

⚜️ PROLOGUE:

Okay. So your prologue is the longer version part of your description. That's what I think kasi. Here, you have now described farther their characteristics of the said two guys too. Wala namang problema dito, you have the choice. Whether to make your prologue like your introducing the main characters or you make a sneak peak of what will be the flow of the story. Prologue is a separate introductory section or part of the story. Either you introduce your main characters plainly or introduce them while at it... they're in action. Yours is just... explaining what they are. It's good how you describe it. The bad and good guy. Yes. I won't bother with the common personality thing. Because that's just how it is. It's fixed. It's inevitable. Ganyan na. But I suggest you make a scenario where their personalities can play along in the prologue. Making it more engaging for the readers! Still... I like it. Just needs to be engaging because you already have this in your description. Magkaparehas na ang description and prologue mo kasi. Kaya I suggest making the Prologue more engaging. 

⚜️ BOOK CONTENT (Chapters 1-5):

I could say you had a nice start. Hindi na talaga mawawala ang intro sa first chapter ng mga teen fiction na kakagising lang ng bida and of course ang first day of school, 'di po ba? I don't demand as always to the writer of the story I criticized to change his or her idea or plot. Alam n'yo na 'to, e. Whether it's common or not. So... I respect it if you want it to make the flow or plot like the usual. But then, the other chapters are good! It's funny how the lead girl ended up in the Dean's office in her first day. And how his Kuya is somehow so fond of her. The Kuya who seems to be involve in everything she does. It's just so cute. Along with The Zimmers, it's cool na you come up with this too. But I noticed, your chapter are so long. You need to atleast have 1500 word every chapter. Mataas na 'yang 2000 words, e. And if a chapter is long, readers tend to do "selective reading" they'll skip parts or just read POV of their favorite or read only dialogues. Lalo na't maraming dialogues ang story. Yours has so many dialogues which I think is not really necessary. You don't have to make it look long you need to be engaging and interesting. Readers like on the go stories and chapters to read. And I don't want your readers to do this. Despite the common plot, I like how you do the writing and describing. Which makes it better. 

⚜️ DIALOGUE:

Great! You deliver each dialogue superbly. Each is really from a character's personality and how they suppose to talk or express themselves. You have technicalities in every dialogue. Even in monologues of your POV(s), po. But I'll state that in the Technicalities. Just like I said, you narrate and describe it good.

⚜️ CHARACTERS:

Again, superb! You don't have any problems here. I can tell who's mean, who's not, who's who and who. Your characters have each different traits. Yes. And you stress out that differences. Which makes them lively. You portray the character's feeling like how they should be. And most especially, hindi pa-bebe not so exaggerating and all. You did great here as well.

⚜️ TECHNICALITIES:

Okay, so... here are some of the typographical errors I saw. Typos and wrong spellings are inevitable if you don't really like to edit or maybe your writing style is informal
or wala lang talaga— you write just because you're bored and is not that serious to typos. But I think, ikaw. You have typos because it's just a typo. But I'll still point these out. Some are really repeating itself. Kaya some are not really just typos din. It's an unknown mistake. So here are your typos:

From wrong to right

pa'ko — pa 'ko / pa ako
jan — d'yan / diyan
yung — 'yong / iyong
to — 'to / ito
sakin — sa 'kin / sa akin
yan — 'yan / iyan
dahan dahang — dahan-dahang
kumpanya — kompanya
panget — pangit
ba'to — ba 'to / ba ito
'iyon — 'yon / iyon
pa'ko — pa 'ko / pa ako

And when addressing a person. Please put a coma before the subject always. Just like this:

"Hoy, Krisha! Ano ha!? Bumangon ka na!"

Not like this:

"Hoy Krisha! Ano ha!? Bumangon ka na!"

See? You need to address properly the subject of the statement or sentence and is clear and neat as it is. You have this repeatedly.

And, please don't capitalize the first letter of a word after the coma. And must capitalize the first letter of the word when it's followed po by period, question mark or exclamation point. I saw these repeatedly also. You can still look for these and edit it.

⚜️ WRITING SKILLS:

Your writing skills is good! You know what you're writing and halata naman kasi malinis mo itong naisulat. Hindi masakit sa mata at lalong-lalo na hindi masakit sa ulo basahin xD Your writing style is formal. Well, I see a *booogshh* part and it's clearly a sound effect. Why not describe the sound than writing that? If it's informal then be it. But your whole story is formal kasi. You're not suppose to leave punctuation marks left lalo na sa tagalog word na that is written in shortcut. I noticed you pay more attention to your english words that you ignore the tagalog words. So, in conclusion your story is a thumbs up since of course you write it well and with this... I believe you can come up with a unique story and take it to heights!

Message:

Here's your Critique. Thanks for choosing me as your Royal Critic. And please keep in mind that my critique is subjective and could vary in different individuals.

Thank you for choosing The Queen's Critique Chamber and God bless!