The Queen's Critique Chamber

⚜️Batch 1: Catching Ms. Suplada

Royal Critique Work by shnmiaaa
Story: Catching Ms. Suplada
Written by: CaraAtlhea

⚜️TITLE:

Catching Ms. Suplada. Sa totoo lang, I like your title. It sounds so persistent in an interesting way. Persistent kasi nga for the word "catching" either literally he'll do whatever it takes just to have or win over this Ms. Suplada girl. Good!

⚜️BOOK COVER:

So I'm a Fan of Fairytail and I can tell right away that those two are Gajeel and Levi or Levy(?) It would be much better if you'll use realistic people as your cover? Mas bet ko ito kaysa sa Anime Cover in your story. Believe me, your story should have a realistic cover. In your anime cover na binubuhat si Levi/ Levy it would be super nice kung ganito rin in your realistic cover version. Either any person you can have to portray each leads. Nasa iyo pa rin po ang desisyon. Pero kung ako ang masusunod, I'd change it to a realistic cover.

⚜️DESCRIPTION/ BLURB:

Nice! Maayos mo itong naisulat and it really gave hints to your readers on how the story should flow. Nagustuhan ko ang description mismo ng istorya mo. The suplada girl with her not so typical makaluma na Lola na suportado sa kanya na magkaroon ng love interest. Ang nice! Sometimes really the simplest plot could be more interesting and attractive than complicated ones. Great job! I'm rooting for whoever this lead guy to win Mara's heart! Good luck to whoever this man lol. *Description ko pa lang kasi na basa ko ;)

⚜️PROLOGUE:

In the prologue you have narrated Timothy's sudden break-up with Nina. I think it would be better if this will not be your prologue. The story revolves now with Mara. And Nina the ex-girlfriend is a side story of Catching Ms. Suplada. Mas mabuti to narrate or expose this ex-girlfriend in the middle of the story where the two leads eventually get along. 'Di ba mas intriguing kapag naging komplikado? Try making a prologue with Mara and with the lead guy. This is after alll their story. This is just a suggestion though. Nasa iyo pa rin po ang desisyon. And this prologue in terms of writing skills? GREAT. I've seen minimal typos and incorrect usage of elipses. We'll discuss this in your technicalities later.

⚜️BOOK CONTENT (Chapters 1-5)

Just WOW! Another underrated talented writer who deserves to be discovered. You have the skills and talent in writing po. I can tell one when I see one and I'm not joking here or bluffing. Nakaka-amaze 'yong way mo in narrating your story. I could just feel my link with each of them. Parang nasa mismong story rin ako! The POV is even a third person's pov or Author's pov and again I'm amazed on how you make it lively and engaging despite not being a first person's pov. Minsan kasi ang ganitong style ng way of narrating could be prone to being boring or dull. Pero sa'yo. Wow! As I read the first 5 chapters napapatawa ako lalo na no'ng first meeting ni Tim and Mara. Terror ka pala Mara e. As what Tim thought. Lol! Sa totoo lang na excite ako everything was just smooth and so clear and just so good. I've seen minimal typos mamaya nalang natin pag-usapan.

⚜️CHARACTERS:

You're a pro. Hindi na kailangan turuan pa. Maayos mo silang nai-poportray! Each characters really has their own traits. No problems here. No need to lengthen my opinions. I'm in no position to be meticulous here since wala namang  gaanong problem sa story mo ;)

⚜️DIALOGUE:

As how I am impressed in your way of portraying each of your character's personality it will really, really reflect their dialogues as well! Super great! Wala na akong masabi. Hindi sila magkatunog magsalita lahat! Masasabi mo talagang talented ang author nito.

⚜️TECHNIALITIES:

So... gaya ng sabi ko. Walang masyadong problem sa story mo. Minimal typos lang. But I still need to point these out so you will know and you probably already know about this but still it's part of my job as the Palace's Critic so here it goes:

1. Elipses. What are elipses? Ito ang elipses ( ... ) a consecutive three periods or tuldok. Ginagamit ito usually in prolongation of a narration or dialogue. May times na maayos mo 'tong nagawa. May times din na hindi. Here are some examples from your story:

Kung ang sentence is ended na with a question mark or exclammation point don't use elipses. This will make your story informal. Formal pa naman way of writing mo. If you'll use elipses use it with no other strings attached. At hanggang tatlong tuldok lang talaga ito.

2. Always don't forget to address the subject or noun of the sentence by placing a comma before or after the subject. Again. 'You got this right and wrong. Pero oftenly right. Hindi mo lang siguro 'to napapansin. Alam kong, alam mo na 'to.

3. Lastly, I noticed you seem to not know on how to use 'rin' and 'din' properly. Here are some example mistake sa story mo:

How to use 'rin' and 'din' properly?

Kapag ang panghuling letra sa salita na nauna is a vowel— use 'rin'

Kapag ang panghuling letra sa salita na nauna is consonant— use 'din'

In your case or example above is 'pa' and 'na' ang naunang salita. Kaya, 'rin' ang gamitin mo kasi nga vowel ang last letter ng naunang salita dito. Understand?

This is even applied even in 'raw / daw' and 'rito / dito'.  Vowels and consonant pa rin ang basehan. Good?

That's all of it. Wala na. 'Yan lang.

⚜️WRITING SKILLS:

Just Wow! Nothing much to say. Nothing much to changed but with the technicalities lang naman. If I'd rate you it would be 10/10. I think you already had this talent within you. Wala na akong masabi. Kahit ako nadala ako sa story mo. It's clear and promising. Maayos mo 'tong naisulat at alam mo kung anong pinagsusulat mo. Napahanga ako sa'yo! I'll definitely add this in my reading list!

Message:

Hello! Ito na. Madali lang kasi wala nga kasing masaydong problema kaya I can provide a critique this fast xD Salamat at okay kayo na ako nalang maging Critic mo in behalf of my co-Royal Critic who's currently on apprenticeship. Awee, she'll be back very soon. ;)

Thank you for choosing The Queen's Critique Chamber and God Bless you another undiscovered gem!