The Queen's Critique Chamber

⚜️Batch 3: The Ghost's Angel [EXO's Kai One Shot Story]

Royal Critique work by:
@Saengiie_Noona
Story: The Ghost's Angel
Written by: @joaneverth

TITLE: "The Ghost's Angel"
Your chosen title is good.
Not that unique but clearly stated what your story is quite about."Quite" kase I'm looking for more but too bad bitin lang.

BOOK COVER:
Your book cover is awesome
very calmed and heaven type. In some ways I found out you were lacking something. Why not add the Angel?or maybe just a glimpse of Krystal over there. By adding her it clearly stated that the story goes between them not just Kai. In fact it's has a two lead roles so why not?. You use K-idols to attract readers so why not show it with proud. Put them both in a cover and the style is all your choice ^___^.~ after all you have a good and unique style with this cover so I leave it to you.

DESCRIPTION & BLURB:
~ All settled and good, clear and related to your story.
But as you said:

"Dahil sa isang misyon na ginawa nila sa loob ng isang araw, ang isang ghost at isang angel ay na inlove sa isat-isa.
May forever kaya sa kanilang dalawa?"

~ its not bad to give hope ,but to be honest reader may expect too much because of this. Even I, I thought "What happen kaya?, May forever nga ba sila?, Pano? or something like a relatable ending that deals with forever and how do they get fall to each other.
~ Sorry but it's just my word as a reader/critic I'm just stating what is the possible thought of the reader when they read this.

I dunno if you get me ,but I might suggest to add a little flavor. I don't want to change the story so it is still your choice how will you do it :).
-It is good but too much to hope. It just bring the readers down or your story down. just be specific or near to what it has told and all settled.

PROLOGUE :
" It's a short basis story and a One shot story so it already stated that it doesn't mind if it don't or it has Prologue.
Just be sure you start it well in midst or in a relatable climax state. "(But you don't have this so nevermind I'm just rambling few things 😂✌).

BOOKCONTENT:
~ All in all are all good!, clarification ,neatness,are there but the missing thing is..
" Where is the part that includes how they fall?, nor feel the feeling in love? or how it happen? " bitin and confused yun yung naramdaman ko dito why? you state one mission yes it has, you state the accident how this guy turn to ghost how he meet this angel and what is his last wish..but the thing is ...buti pa yung parents may "Love story" na naganap yung bida? Pinapanood lang yung nangyayari nag ka gustuhan na?.. I mean where's the part that we should feel EMOTIONS/INLOVE AND SWEETNESS?..wala po dun mas sweet pa yung parents. Funny yung part nilang dalawa na nag aasaran kaso kulang po..konting pakilig sana or kahit strong scene lang na na fall talaga sila sa isat-isa.
I get it that you used fast pacing for this because it's a One shot story, but the thing is you forgot to justify what you left in your description.

DIALOGUE:
~No problem with this, you already manage to state very well all characters dialogue.
Maganda yung palitan at bigayan. It looks like you know how to handle each of POV.

CHARACTERS:
Okay na okay ~ you used kpop idols to attract readers common for kpopfan but how you handle it is really good so no problem.

TECHNICALITIES:
Madali-Magmadali/Dalian.
Nang- na
Ng-Nang
~ Description/BookContent.
-what you state is what they expect so, be careful leaving promising/hoping scene, I know you just want to make readers curious but sometimes using them in wrong way is not good it bring disappointment for your story.

Well we cant tell if the story is wrong or right, Only the Authors can tell what is best for their stories.

WRITING SKILLS:
~Almost good but lacking with flavors. Try to spice up your story by adding some emotions to it why? I just feel plain for now. But all is good not bad, family oriented but.. So much for using fast pacing you forgot to add what your story goals.

But after all Its okay I know you can do it -just express it more :). Because One short story is Everything.. All feels must be there let the readers feel it... not just read it.

MESSAGE:
~~ Waaah!! Authornim miyane
I know I can hurt you with my words but believe me you're a better writer than I am.. I'm just missing few feels to your story.. Maybe because of your description that's why I expect too much but believe me all in all are good but you forgot the feels..

Waaah former bias ko panaman si kai.. sorry Unnie miyane ...~ magaling kapo magsulat pramis.. Sorry po talaga. Hope you understand po. Thank you for choosing me po. :) XoxoXo