Royal Critique Work by shnmiaaa
Story: The Last Heiress of Xenian Mafia
Written by: WeshiMi
⚜️TITLE:I don't see any wrong about your title choice aside from the other side notes that you had there. Can you not just have these in your tags? Even so... It's your choice but seriously hindi kasi maganda tignan e. So... The Last Heiress of Xenian Mafia, mapapaisip talaga ang mga readers na this story would most especially revolve to this Last Heiress. And the Mafia concept is pretty trendy nowadays so I say this is the usual but for the very least you added up with a catch— who would not love a Mafia Heiress, right? ;) But when I read the chapters I have found out that she has lost her title as the Heiress of Xenian Mafia when her Dad remarried another woman. Was killed and then this step-mom remarried again and had kids to another man. Not with Rein's Father. Kaya hindi na 'to ang heiress ng Xenian. It could be "The Real Heiress of Xenian Mafia" since may mga step-siblings na 'to mula sa step-mom n'ya na galing sa ibang lalaki kaya napunta na ito sa kanila ang Mafia. That's why she was pushed out in the family picture. So I think it's suitable really to change the title for its suiting terms. She is the REAL heiress. Not Last. Since may step-siblings na s'ya from her step-mom na hawak ngayon ang Xenian Mafia.
⚜️BOOKCOVER:
I like your cover! It expresses your story very well and plus the fact that it's attractive. Great choice of colors and fonts too! The lady there just seems mature. Wala na akong masabi. Just... this. (Hindi ko na pahabain pa kasi I like to say straight to the point and with no flowery words.)
⚜️DESCRIPTION / BLURB:
Your description seems off. It lacks structure and is not clear. I think you should work on this. Like you're trying to be intense in a way to really describe the story but you haven't achieved it. I understand what you're trying to say here so let me help you with this:
'She's trained for a year,but in her skills are the finest.' or you could 'She's trained for a year, but her skills are already the finest.'
BINABASA MO ANG
The Queen's Critique Chamber
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