The Queen's Critique Chamber

⚜️Batch 2: Sky Bully

Royal Critique Work by shnmiaaa / Royal Critique Anemia
Written by: heywaddles
Story: Sky Bully
[Take over critique work]

⚜️TITLE:

The title is very interesting! For a moment I thought something unusual having the word 'Sky' in the title besides the word Bully. But as I read the Prologue that answered my question lol. Unique!

⚜️BOOKCOVER:

Superb! Ang ganda. Wala akong masabing iba just to praise you with this beautiful graphic. Perfect choice also for portraying the lead girl. The way she projects herself just shows what will be her personality is right? I do hope. Great!

⚜️DESCRIPTION/BLURB:

You were short and direct. Clearly stated the fact that this story will revolve to this accusations, false rumors or any other things linked with this concept. It's your choice to make your description short so I respect it. Besides I see nothing wrong with your choice. Good!

⚜️PROLOGUE:

The prologue does get the hang of the main protagonist Sky's problem. You showed two characters in the prologue so it just means they will play a pretty important role in the story. Malinis mo itong naisusulat. I commend your skills here. You portray Sky's personality easily. The prologue was great! Nothing to revise po. I can really sense you have a talent here in writing. I feel the manly yet cool aura of the guy with the computer that seems to be an expert of it. Lol.

⚜️BOOK CONTENTS (1-5):

Story development is great! Story plot has its way of teasing us readers. Nakakaintriga ang mga hints and all. Amazing! I only have read chapters one to five for the critique work and I really think you got here a story worth reading unlike other stories here. I also commend your word count. It is crucial also to have atleast two thousand words in a chapter for readers tend to do selective reading. Kaya I super suggest to maintain it. One more thing I like about the book content is the plot itself. You made it not 'OA' or 'immature'. The rumors spreading is not just about Sky but sbout the people around her and it just makes it more intriguing! Cool story plot really!

⚜️CHARACTERS:

YOU DO THIS EXQUISITELY! Hands down from me. Your characters speak for themselves and not just for the story. Maayos! Maayos! Maayos!

⚜️DIALOGUE:

You did great in handling your characters so it just also means you would do also great here in the dialogue. Maayos mo itong nasusulat! Why you're another undiscovered gem!

⚜️TECHNICALITIES:

The story is written informally so makikita ko talaga na may tagalog terms ka na informal like 'yun' but you do this without using [']. But to accurately write it. Use an apostrophe ['yun / 'yon] for this is the informal style using apostrophe. [iyon] kasi ang formal. Same goes with:

Informal - Formal
'yan - iyan
do'n - doon
s'ya - siya
n'ya - niya
d'yan - diyan
pa'no - paano

etc...

Use 'ellipses' correctly. Use [...] three period to convey prolong dialogues or monologue. I have one example from your story. I suggest to add another period. Okay? :)

Anyway, the decision is still yours. This is just what I think and in my opinion. :) Aside from this I have no other concerns in your technicalities kasi sabi ko nga... You are great! Your medium is taglish and yeah advantage nga sa story mo.

⚜️WRITING SKILLS:

Hey, if I'd rate you it would be 9/10. Exquisite writing skills. Another undiscovered gem really! Continue to write even if it gets vague and less motivating. You have it already and it just needs a little push and of course time. Time is really important to improve and have progress. I hope someday you and I feel it that an undiscovered gem like you will be discovered very soon enough through your talent!

Message:

Hello! Here's your critique. Madali lang since you're already great. Hehe. Anyway, I hope you don't mind that I am giving you this critique instead of your chosen critic so yeah. ^^ Thank you for choosing this shop and have a good day!

PS. Keep in mind that my critique is subjective and could vary in different perspective of individuals. ❤️