Chasing Ghosts [Attack on Titan](Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter fifty-four- Our Song

Chapter fifty four

He cocked his head slightly to the right and moved his gaze from me to the piano “Hold on Alya, you cant just go planning out our life there, you said yourself you where not ready for that type of commitment.” He shrugged playing a soft melody of a view keystrokes. I blinked slowly looking down at my hands waiting for him to keep talking. “You told me you weren’t ready, are you ready now?” He asked looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I sighed folding my hands neatly in my lap. “Levi… I don’t know what Love is, how it works… or how I even know I am loving someone. I raised myself, my parents both might as well been dead. I don’t know… what I really feel for you, or anyone.” I grumbled quietly he said nothing for a long minute. “Well, Love is… Love is something I cannot describe very well though words, it’s the willingness to die for that person, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and wanting to do everything in your power to protect them from hurting.” He said quietly “I wanted to protect Arabella, that’s how I knew I loved her.” He said “That was, until she left me for dead… you know. Sometimes I still wonder where she is, and if she’s happy with her choices.” I listened quietly for a few silent moments then opened my mouth to speak, but no words came for a long few seconds.

Levi looked at me “Honestly.” He continued “I didn't picture myself every falling for you the way I did Alya, you where a caring person true. I'd always thought I wanted more of a cold and cynical woman who would act like me… But I guess opposites attract.” He chuckled softly, I put my head on his shoulder resting it on his arm and listening to my breathing. What he said was true, about us and about love. “I thought you were just a spoiled brat from Sina, but you've had a hard life Levi… Harder than mine even.” I looked into his steel gray eyes as he looked at me, turning his face slightly in my direction so I could see the elegant curve of his nose and plush pink lips.  “But…what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.” I finished. He smiled at me, saying nothing. “That’s true, and what I said about love… If you're not sure yet. I can still wait for you, just remember. I know my feelings, even if they can’t be returned I will follow you down into the deepest pits and the highest clouds.” I looked into his eyes, and closed mine. He put his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on his chest for a while listening to the rhythm of his heart.

‘Bump…. Bump… Bump…’ It had a calming effect, just the fact that he was alive. His blood was still rushing though his body, his mind was still turning its cogs… it gave me peace. Was this really Love? I wanted him to survive; I wanted him to live for me… for us. After a while I felt myself getting very sleepy, Levi touched the side of my cheek with the back of his hand and I felt myself being lifted I was set down on a soft surface and a warm body curled around me. He was protecting me, while I slept. I smiled inwardly as I slipped off into a deeper sleep.

~Dream~

I awoke in a field, a misty field… There was a cute little cottage in the distance. I didn't know where I was but… but.. it felt like home. I wandered towards the little house trying to open the door but it was locked, the field grass swirled around my legs as I moved almost like a endless emerald pool. I looked though the window and inside there was a man holding up a little baby to the ceiling. His face was masked by the shadows of the child; the child had curly crimson hair and large steel eyes. The little boy laughed and pawed at the man holding him up. I felt happiness sore threw me, I removed my hands from the window ceil and the second I did the house burst into flames, I screamed going to the door to try and get the people that where in there out. I beat on the burning surface tugging at the melting doorknob. “Please!” I screamed “Get out!” I ran back to the window and I saw them standing at the window. Both of them hand their hands against the glass. I picked up a rock nearby and beat on the glass as the child began to cry. “Wait! I'll get you out!” I yelled continuing to try and smash this impenetrable wall between us. The man’s face became clear and… just before he was swallowed by flames. I saw, Levi.

“No…” I whispered.

~End Dream~

I opened my eyes, I hadn't been tossing or turning because Levi was still slumbering peacefully next to me. I looked over at him in silence… was this the reason I didn't want to love him…? Because deep down I knew I could lose him, at any moment. Be it to a titan, a fire… anything. I folded my fingers around the white blanket that covered both of us. I was worried about losing him, so I refused to let him in. I thought back to the dream, I'd been so happy when I saw the child in his arms. Was that what I would miss out on if I didn't let him in…? Was it truly better to love and lose… then to never love at all…? I looked up into Levis sleeping face, his hair tousled, his mouth open slightly and hands all askew.  I smiled and pulled the blanket closer to myself and him, He'd given me all of it and must have been cold. As I did this he shifted himself towards me putting his arm around my neck and moving closer to me. Pulling me into his arm embrace. I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beat.

Did I really love  him…? Or was it all… just my imagination?