Chasing Ghosts [Attack on Titan](Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter fifty-five- Obscurity

Chapter fifty five

I awoke slowly opening my eyes to the fresh winter dawn; the sun was out surprisingly enough. The world outside was silent as the white powder covered the land with its frosty blanket. I turned my head to see the bed beside me empty, Levi must have gotten up before me. I rolled upward yawning quietly and brushing my hair out of my eyes with my hand stretching and standing up I pulled on my clothes and dragged myself down the steps. As I walked past the sitting room I looked out into the alabaster courtyard in silence for a moment. A fond childhood memory flooded back to me, Qwill and I running around in the snow. He'd taught me how to make a snow-man… I wondered how he was fairing up in Sina. I sighed inwardly and walked down the steps towards the mess hall, there were few down there. The others must have been training with using gear in slippery terrain.  I nibbled at my breakfast, eating little for I had too much to think about aside from food. I collected my Omni directional gear from the storage room and stumbled outside after tossing my scarf over my nose. Outside it was cold, I felt my face turn red under the contrast of the freezing temperature from the warm house. Outside I could hear the drill going on around the back of the building. I wandered out there, looking up into the mountains beside us. The ever-green forest seemed to stretch on forever, It almost felt like If I was to run into I could escape the walls but I knew that how-ever massive the walls where they where nothing compared to the world outside.

In the back the others were using their gear in the trees; I spotted Petra easily her flashing auburn hair was easy to pick out. She was struggling to find foot hold on the slick trees, I found Erd and Gunter next. The two where almost joined at the hip, they could have been brothers for all anyone knew. Gunter was gripping the back of Erds shirt trying to keep him from slipping from the branch. Oluo was above them, his arms around the trunk of the tree. I scanned the forest for Levi but all I saw was the rest of the trainee's struggling with staying aloft. I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder and I turned expecting to see Levi but I saw Erwin. His blue gaze boring into mine with such intensity I thought I would freeze on the spot. “Alya, I have a question.” He said his tone cold. Ever since the accent, he'd become cold and distant towards me and I didn't understand why… just because we had different opinions on things didn't mean we should be bickering like this. I blinked “Sure, what is it?” He looked at me searching my face in utter silence for a minute. “You and Levi…? You've grown very close.” He stated “I want to know what your relationship is with him.” He said quietly. I suddenly smacked his hand off my shoulder “What is this Erwin? Really? That’s my business.” I realized I was being very defensive, but it was partly because I didn't even understand myself at the moment.

I spun around and folded my arms, I heard him sigh. “Alya, I'm just worried about your feelings…” He said “Remember what he is, and what he's done.” I turned around to defend the ebony haired boy but the blond haired commander was vanishing into the snowfall before I could say anything. I looked up into the trees and saw a flash of green and a click of a blade and something whizzed by my ear I leapt back in surprise kicking up a pile of snow as I folded my arms over my face to shield myself from whatever that was. I moved my left arm to see a dislodged blade in the snow-drift where I had been standing. I looked into the group above, all of them had gone dead silent and where looking at me and the weapon. This time, my gaze was on Ackerman. He was standing at the front. Holding his blades down… one was sword less. I felt anger flare in my eyes “Ackerman, down here… now!” I roared. The trainee hopped down, his eyes sheltered by his hair a shadow cast across his face. “What the hell was that!?” I demanded. He looked up at me, frowning. “I was aiming for that idiot of a commander.” He snarled. I glared “Really? Because you missed.” I sneered, I was more hurt then I was angry honestly. “Alya, please.” He said “I wouldn't hurt you.” I curled my lip back in disgust. “I'm starting to think he was right about you Levi, you could have killed me… Erd, Gunter!” I yelled for them “Take him to the gallows… so he can have some… thinking time.”  The two stood behind Levi taking his arms in their hands as he struggled looking at me with wide steel eyes. “Please, Alya… calm down.” Erd pleaded.

I clenched my teeth “I'm calm, I said… Gallows. Now!” I roared, I heard various gasps from above. Petra was there, she grabbed my wrist. “Please, Come now Alya… you don’t mean..” I moved without thinking and slapped her away from me, sending the young girl back into a snow drift. There was a yell of surprise and another set of gasps. Petra clutched her cheek. “I don’t need any of you, I don’t know what I was thinking trying to let people in. I'd just end up dead.” Oluo landed beside Petra trying to help her up as I stared at the five. Snowflakes landing in their hair as a dead silence blanked us in anger and hatred. I spun away and left them, storming towards the horse-stables. I saddled up Lullaby and road towards the mountains I'd seen earlier. I kicked the horses as I heard Erwin yell for me “Alya!”he said over the thundering of the horses hooves but I pretended not to hear him as I rocketed towards the stone hills. We entered the forest snow flying up into the air behind my ebony horse, about fifteen minutes of running I felt the pain hit me. I stopped the horse and literally fell sideways off the saddle into the snow. My body just… went numb. What the hell Alya… I thought why would you do that…? Just because he… he… tried to kill you? You slapped poor Petra… Lullaby stood over me the loyal steed nibbled at my hair and nosed my cheek. I was so dramatic… god damn. I sighed inwardly, stupid me. I sat upward after that retarded outburst of anger had passed I looked into the sky as the white flakes fluttered down from the silver clouds. Perhaps, I really did have feelings for him… was that why I freaked out so badly when he tried to cut my arm off with the blade? It was on accident right…? Lullaby nuzzled my cheek again. She perked her ears and angled them towards the direction we had come.

I waited but nothing emerged from the forest so I went back to my deep thinking. “I would be angry if anyone did that… but not angry enough to take it out on anyone else.” I said “Was I angry because he tried to attack Erwin?” I asked myself, I shook my head. “No, I was angry because it looked like he was going for me.” I told myself. I let out a loud groan of announce “Damn it, Damn it all!” I screamed at myself growing ever frustrated with my seemingly endless puddle of stupidity I wadded myself into. “I'm such a fucking idiot!” I yelled at my horse who flattened her ears in surprise and stomped her hooves almost as to say ‘Yes, yes you are’ I crumpled over myself curling into a tiny ball with my face in the snowy ground. “I can’t do anything right, I don’t want to go back and face them… I feel so bad about this. I'm sure he wasn't trying to do anything…” I was talking to a horse… humph. The ebony steed nibbled at my hair pulling at it trying to get me up. I sat up, staying sitting on the snowy ground I was growing cold…. But for some reason I couldn't feel it. I just listened to the silence, I liked it. A snowflake landed on the bridge of my nose and I looked at it the delicate surface sat there for a millisecond before melting away into a raindrop and running down the side of my face. “Catch it before it… melts..” I whispered to myself. I looked up at the horse who was looking down at me with her wide brown eyes. “I… I love him.” I said “I really do…”

I felt a warm sensation run threw me…. I felt truly happy for a couple of seconds before I realized what I had done. Would he forgive me… no would they forgive me for this?

AN

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DRAMA BOMBBB. ;D