Questioning my sexuality, i wasn't sure of it till met my ex, who at the time of 2016, was Jimin. I simply was attracted to him, although it made me question if i still had an interest in females.
as for jimin, we ended up getting into a fight and breaking up. it took a while for me to get over, but i figured there were many other guys out there I could possibly find an interest in. My best friend Jin helped me through things like this, and comforted me when i needed it.
"do you know if you're gay or not?" he questioned.
I wasn't sure what to say. Was it true? Was i just simply interested in boys more, and not females? "I'm not sure." I hesitated, sighing.
"Jungkook," We stare up at the cloudless sky together, "There are many guys out there. I know Jimin left you for some jerk named Yoongi, but you gotta keep your head up high, you know?"
I nod. I was really thankful for Jin, honestly. Trying to picture how i've met him, i failed. But the sound effect of me alone on the swing set, rocking back and forth, kicked in a memory.
My mom went with my sister to get ice cream and there i was, left alone. My mother was never really there for me, anyway - growing up, she rarely came to my winter concerts, or even squish in some spare time for her own kids. Me, specifically.
I was picking up speed quickly and the chains of the swing started to squeak when I got higher and higher. Eventually, the wind was slashing in my hair and I was going to a limit I felt like i could touch the sky. my legs were kind of just swinging there, unsure of what to do.
But when my eyes shot down and focused on the ground, I suddenly got terrified of that exact moment and forgot I was terrified of heights. My heartbeat started to drum against my rib cage and I called for my mom for help, as expected she didn't bother to come. but then i went flying into the air, and the wind collected into my t shirt causing me to scream.
I hit the ground and hit my elbow causing it to bleed badly. I began to weep and cry, wiping my tears away that were flowing down my cheeks with the help of the back of my hand.
that's when jin came along.
"woah, dude are you okay?"
I nodded but I continued to cry as he helped me up.
That's the only thing that rung a bell. Everything was just caught in a blur. After all, I was probably only 8 or 10. But as we aged, Jin and I became closer and soon we ended up transferring to the same schools around the 10th grade.
Ever since he's been by my side.
He's always been there - even from when my mom would abuse me. Believe it or not she was often drunk at times causing her to lose her mind and forcing that anger against me. I never really liked her growing up. My own damn mother.
don't even get me started on our living room- stench of alcohol filled it, causing no fresh air to replace it, and beer bottles coated the floor. my mom would yell my name whenever she needed something or when i didn't obey the rules.
Jungkook!! She would scream from downstairs, but most of the time i'd stay locked inside my room.
my hands were shaking when my name was called harshly, in the fear of being hit or yelled at for no reason. Jin was there for me in these type of situations, but it didn't really help with the actual issue within my household.
Often, I was scared to come home. After my father divorced her she practically lost her mind and couldn't handle being a single mother all alone with two children.
times i wanted to move out - I no longer wanted to be with her. live with her. neither did my sister. So as I aged i finally made the decision, and moved out. I traveled to a hotel instead, where I could no longer hear her loud and abusive voice, or beer bottles smashing against windows followed by her language of pretty much curse word possible in the human dictionary.
soon Jin moved in with me, and here we are now, just the two of us outside laying on the spring vibrant grass, palms behind our own heads.
