"i could pull the stars down from the sky and give them to you, and you would still find a reason to say no, wouldn't you, gemma? you would still fucking go choose him."
i felt like the world was crashing down on me. the one person i was completely...
chapter playlist⏯ • don't kill my vibe - sigrid • beg - jack & jack • obsessed - maggie lindemann
——— a few days later shawn mendes >>>
gemmaclark
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gemmaclark yes, the rumors are true. i will actually be leaving my apartment tonight load more comments jakedempsey 😍😍😍 edithjoness finally
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shawnmendes
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shawnmendes birthday boy 👤connormcclain load more comments connormcclain wtf am i doing bradharrison lol when you think you're cool
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It's been a few days since my whole incident with Gemma, and I've sort of been thinking about it a lot. Maybe constantly.
I wish I wasn't like this.
I want to say that it was underwhelming, or that she was a bad kisser, or that I didn't feel anything for her anymore, but I just can't say any of that. It's still there, that feeling, that knot in my stomach whenever I think about her, and I don't know how to get rid of it. If anything, kissing her made it a million times worse, because now I know how it feels, and I also know that it's never going to happen again. So, that sucks.
And then the other day on the phone, she said the kiss was "nice," and that it "wasn't a bad thing that I'm not Jake Dempsey." All these things she said have just been running through my mind the past few days, giving me some sense of false hope. And then I have to keep reminding myself that I can't get my hopes up, but then I do, and so it's just a vicious cycle that has been killing me lately.
I kind of wish that I would have never even seen her and Jake fighting that night, and that I never would have seen her crying, and that maybe our relationship would have started and ended that night with me simply thinking she was pretty. Then she could have just been another girl in the crowd. My life would definitely be easier that way.
