heartbreak girl | s.m.

63 | not even close

chapter playlist ⏯
• mystery of love - sufjan stevens
• cardigan - taylor swift
• all too well - taylor swift

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shawn >>>

Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

I felt my throat tighten up. I suddenly felt weak. This is not happening.

I have to keep my cool.

Maybe I can just sneak away.

But I don't want to sneak away. I want her to see me. No, I want to see her. I need to see her.

But how? I don't even know what I'd say.

I'll just sneak away. I turned to leave.

"Shawn!"

Fuck.

I turned back around, and Edith's eyes met mine. I don't know what they were trying to say, but whatever message they were sending me completely flew out the window when Gemma Clark turned around and looked right at me. Her eyes—those perfect, deep, dark brown eyes I'd looked into a million times—were on mine for the first time in over a year.

I dropped my phone.

Fuck.

"I thought you were in Vegas!" Edith said to me as I bent down to pick up my phone.

No, you didn't, you liar. I know I told Brad, and I know he told you. You just want Gemma to believe that you thought that. So you could get us here, facing each other, looking into each other's eyes. Well, for a split second.

"Paige had to fly back to France for a wedding," I explained, trying my best to not look at Gemma. I ran my fingers through my hair. My face must be bright red. I want to disappear.

"Cool," Edith said, looking from Gemma to me. "Well, I guess I'll leave you guys to catch up."

Then she walked away. And I was standing next to Gemma Clark. My heart was beating out of my chest, so much so that I'm surprised she didn't notice.

"Hey," she said sheepishly. She smiled at me, but not the way she used to. She brushed her hair behind her ear, but then quickly pulled it back out. She was avoiding my eyes as much as she could, and I was avoiding hers, too. "I'm sorry. I mean, about Edith. I wasn't in on this or anything. You can just walk away, if you want."

"No, it's cool," I replied, returning her smile. I didn't want to walk away, not one bit. "I didn't know you were going to be in town."

"I didn't know you were either," she said, and it felt a bit cold. Obviously she didn't want to see me. Truthfully, if I would have known she was going to be here, I wouldn't have come. Not because I don't want to see her. Just because the thought of seeing her again made me itch nervously. But here I am, standing next to her, feeling surprisingly un-itchy.

"I'm just visiting Gabby for the weekend," she continued. She has always taken the "godmother" title quite seriously. I always liked that. "Edith dragged me out, and I really didn't have any good excuse. So, here I am."