"i could pull the stars down from the sky and give them to you, and you would still find a reason to say no, wouldn't you, gemma? you would still fucking go choose him."
i felt like the world was crashing down on me. the one person i was completely...
chapter playlist⏯ • supermarket flowers - ed sheeran • kindly calm me down - meghan trainor • moments - one direction
——— gemmaclark
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gemmaclark really on that college student grind ya feel me load more comments jakedempsey my aesthetic edithjoness we love an educated sister
——— gemma clark <<<
Today is not a good day.
I left my class today, which I was so, so tempted to skip (but I didn't), and I was supposed to meet Jake for lunch, but then I just decided I didn't want to. So I texted him and said I'm not feeling well, to which he said that it was okay, and that he could bring me anything if I needed it.
Not the response I was hoping for.
I was hoping he would say: "are you kidding me? i made time for you in the middle of my busy day and now you're just going to bail on me?"
Then I would feel a lot less worse. But no. He was sweet, and polite, and considerate. What's with that?
So, after I basically ditched my boyfriend, I drove and drove and drove to nowhere. I just kept driving, like a psychotic person. And then Jake called, and so did Edith, but I just let them go to voicemail. I listened to A Drop In The Ocean on repeat for like, an hour. Have you ever just been in such a mood?
Medication.
I didn't take my medication. That's why my heart is racing out of my chest and I feel like the world is crashing down on me.
Fuck fuck fuck why are you such an idiot Gemma?
My phone vibrated. Probably another text from Jake or Edith, wondering if I was okay. I'm not, obviously. I think I'm having a mental breakdown. Is that what this is? I'm shaking, I think.
My mom died three years ago today. Today is the day that makes my heart hurt the most; the day that I can count on my dad calling me, claiming he "just wants to check in and catch up," even though I know he just needs a reminder of her. He used to say that I was her mini-me; we were the same in a million different ways. I looked just like her; dark hair and deep brown eyes, while Liam took more after Dad with his bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair.
Dad used to say that Mom died because the world didn't deserve someone so kind, which is such a lame, basic, motivational-quote-on-Pinterest thing to say. But I used to believe it, because I was sixteen and needed an excuse as to why on earth my very own mother had to die, but in reality, life just sucks. That's why she died. Life fucking sucks, and that's just how it goes. There's nothing I, or you, or anyone else can do.
I don't think Jake remembered that today was what it was, but how could I expect him to? I'm glad he didn't, because I didn't want anyone around. Or maybe he did and is just going to leave me alone. Maybe that's why he understood me ditching lunch. Either way, I'm alone right now, and I like that.
