heartbreak girl | s.m.

32 | all i want

chapter playlist ⏯
• more of you - MAGIC!
• comfortable - alessia cara
• you - a great big world

———
gemma clark <<<

After dropping Liam off at the airport (I cried a little and he acted like he didn't know me), we went back to Shawn's place and made out for a long time, laughing and joking about our long-awaited alone time. Then, we both somehow fell asleep, waking up a couple hours later to realize it had become dark outside. I knew I was certainly capable of sleeping even more if I wanted to.

I decided to read while he worked on something on his guitar. It was separate togetherness; we were coexisting. I liked coexisting. We didn't always have to talk; we can just be in each other's presence, and that feels good, too. Being around him made me feel at ease.

"I'm hungry," I said, laying my book on my stomach and looking up at the ceiling.

"I'm not making dinner," he replied, not looking up at me.

"I definitely wasn't asking you to," I told him. "I'm not making dinner either."

He laughed softly. "Glad we're on the same page," he said, putting his guitar down. "Let's just order pizza."

I smiled at him, admiring his face for a second. "You are my favorite person."

"Thanks," he said casually. "I just feel like we need a completely lazy night. I don't want to do anything. I just want to eat pizza and then sleep for like, twelve hours. Next to you."

"Twelve hours?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Oversleeping is a sign of depression," I said. "You're not depressed, are you?"

He smiled and shook his head. "How could I be depressed when I have you around?"

"It doesn't really work like that, sweetheart."

"I know," he said, standing up. He kissed the top of my head. "But I think I'm good. Are you?"

I smiled and nodded. "I'm amazing."

"Yeah, you are," he replied. "Don't fall asleep on me."

I shook my head as a response and continued to read as he left the room. There was a copy of my book on his nightstand—he insisted on it, even though I didn't want him to have any access to it. However, letting him have it was the first step to actually putting it out into the world.

I sent it in to a publisher about two months ago, secretly, and about three weeks ago, I got the news that they liked it and wanted to actually publish it. I was shocked. I thought it was a joke.

Honestly, I was planning on sending it to the publisher, getting flat-out rejected, then using that to shut my boyfriend up about trying to get it published. I didn't really think they would actually want to publish it. It sort of threw my whole plan for a loop. They want me to come to New York to inquire about it. I guess I'm going to do it? I guess I'm doing this?

And now, it's been a few weeks and I still haven't told him. I haven't told anyone. I'm bad at telling people things, even good news. I know he'll be thrilled, but I just don't know the right time.

"Pizza ordered," he said when he came back in the room, laying in his bed beside me.

"Yay," I replied quietly.

He looked at me for a moment or two, propping his head up on his hand.

"You're really pretty," he told me.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Me?"

He smiled. "Yeah, you. No one else is here, Gem. And you're my girlfriend."