heartbreak girl | s.m.

67 | in denial

chapter playlist ⏯
• falling out of love with you - rome hero foxes
• sad - LANY
• want you back - 5sos

*sorry if this is a little unedited!!
---
a week or so later
gemma <<<

"You're leaving already?"

I watched as Jesse got out of bed and pulled his shirt back over his head.

"I have an interview at ten," he said, not looking at me. "I need to go home and get ready."

I looked at my phone. Eight a.m. is way too early.

"I didn't know that. I could've...done something to help," I said, feeling bad. I kept him up until two a.m. I'm a hindrance on his success, really.

"What could you have done, Gem?" he asked with a smile. Then he leaned down to kiss me.

"I don't know. Something helpful," I said.

"I don't need help," he replied as he sat on the edge of my bed to put his shoes on. "I've got this."

I sat up so we were sitting next to each other. "I love that attitude."

"Just trying to keep a positive mindset," he replied. "That's what you always tell me."

I kissed his cheek, feeling rather proud. "Look at you. I'm so proud."

"Well, being negative hasn't gotten me anywhere so far," he said. "Time for a new strategy."

"I like it," I told him. "You're going to be amazing. Is this a job you really want?"

"I mean, it's really good. It's literally a research job, which is what I'm good at. I think I have a decent shot," he said with a shrug.

"That all sounds amazing, Jess," I told him. "I'm sure you'll be great. And if you're not, then I'm still going to love you."

"That's a relief."

"Wanna get dinner tonight?" I asked him. I'm free all day, which sounds amazing, but I'd like to work him into the schedule sometime.

"Uh...yeah, I think I can do that," he said. "I'll be here at seven."

"Promise?" I asked.

He smiled, then leaned in for a long and slow kiss. A kiss that would make you stay a while. But he had to leave, and he's much more punctual than me.

"I'll see you later," he told me. "Lay down and go back to sleep."

"Okay. I love you," I said. "Call me when you're done."

"I will. And I love you, too," he replied.

"Bye," I said. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

I watched him leave, the whole room suddenly feeling a lot emptier. It feels like the more I want him around, the less he wants to be around me. I just feel like he's not the same as he used to be. Something changed, and I don't know what, and it's really bothering me.

But, there's no point dwelling on it.

As if it's that simple.

I tried to fall back asleep, but my brain was moving too fast, so I got up and made myself some tea. Sleepy tea. I planned on sleeping the day away, because I'm so un-busy today, and that interruption really got me out of my rhythm. Tea will hopefully help.

I remember making sleepy tea for Shawn, who fell victim to insomnia every once in a while. It worked on him, I remember. I miss taking care of him.