"i could pull the stars down from the sky and give them to you, and you would still find a reason to say no, wouldn't you, gemma? you would still fucking go choose him."
i felt like the world was crashing down on me. the one person i was completely...
chapter playlist ⏯ • the good side - troye sivan • falling - harry styles • kissing other people - lennon stella
--- gemmaclark
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gemmaclark thankful to have a friend who likes to take pictures of me because if i didn't then i'd never have anything to post @sloanehathaway load more comments sloanehathaway i'm just glad i have a friend who's an ex-model jessecooper sloane is doing the lord's work
--- seven months post-breakup SEPTEMBER gemma <<<
i love you every day and i will continue to love you every day until there aren't any days left to love you and even if you hate the thought of me i will always love the thought of you even when it hurts me more than anything i will love thinking of us & what we used to be i will love you while you hold her hand i will love you while you take off her clothes i will love you while you tell her all the things that you used to tell me and if you marry her, or anyone else, i will still love you then.
no one has ever loved me for all that i am except for you and it's okay if you can move on from that but i can't and i don't think i will
I put my face in my hands and dropped my pen. I'm done writing poetry for tonight. It is so depressing, because all I write about is Shawn. While Shawn writes about a new girl. It just makes me a bit sad.
The sting of knowing he has a girlfriend was not as bad as I thought it would be.
I thought it would send me into some sort of depressive episode or something, but I'm fine. I mean, my heart is slightly more broken than it was before, but it's fine. It's nothing I can't handle. I'm just taking it in my stride.
Edith called me yesterday to tell me. She said she wanted me to find out from her before I found out from an outside source. She talked me through it, even though I really was fine when I heard. I think the initial shock of hearing that he was talking/hanging out with another girl hurt more, since that was more unexpected. I knew this would happen. I've thought about it a million times.
It's been about seven months since he and I broke up. Roughly 210 days. He and I dated for almost 650 days. I don't know what my point is with that, but isn't that a lot of days? That's a lot of days to spend loving someone, and now it took them 210 days to start loving someone else. I guess 210 days is a lot of days, too, though. I'm not mad at him or anything. He deserves to move on and be happy with someone else.
I wonder what she's like. Is she like me? Or is she completely different? I think I feel better not knowing.
Besides that always-present, aching, pain in my heart of losing the one person who made me truly happy, I'm doing well. Life feels bearable, which is all I ask for these days. I'm pretty much in the same place I've been for the past seven months. I don't have a boyfriend; all I have is Jesse, who I'm really not interested in dating. Obviously I adore him, and we still hang out a lot, but I don't see it progressing into an actual relationship. Unless I can figure out how to start loving someone else, but I don't think I'm any closer to that than I was seven months ago. I don't want to love someone else; that's the thing. I just want to love Shawn from afar. I'm fine with what I'm doing now.
